11 Powerful Reasons to Surrender Your Ego

The Ego is a veil between humans and God. In prayer all are equal. ~Rumi

Do you just sometimes wish that you could stop obsessing over yourself?

It may be hard to admit, but from the moment your wake to the moment you go to sleep, your single greatest concern is defending and protecting yourself from perceived threats or attacks.

So you constantly examine the words and actions of others for signs of disrespect or attempts at humiliation. Everyone’s a suspect until proven innocent. And even then, it’s hard to let your guard down lest they blindside you with a critical remark and hurt your feelings.

You’re so consumed with the need to satisfy your ego in every moment that you’re ready to collapse under the weight of exhaustion.

You wish you could care less about what others think and say about you but you find it virtually impossible to let go. You experience smouldering resentment over off-handed remarks people made years ago. And you point to these experiences as reasons why you’ll never experience joy or fulfillment in life.

You may have heard of the idea of egolessness but it feels threatening because you’ve identified your ego with the essence of who you are. You want to let go but you’re terrified that you will literally lose yourself in the process. If there’s no ego to define you, then will you disappear?

Self vs self

There are some who believe that ego is all bad. However, without a sense of ego, without a sense of a self that has dreams, goals, and desires, we would not accomplish very much individually and socially.

Your spiritual pain is not caused by the ego itself, but by your identification of your true self with ego. You can think of yourself as having two selves. They are Self and self. The former represents your true self and the latter your smaller self.

The following word equations further distinguishes between these two selves:

self = individualism, personal freedom, self-determination, going it alone, specialness.

Self = connectedness to others.

The small self is defined by separation from others, therefore has an overwhelming need to protect itself from others. There’s a sense of entitlement, specialness, and reputation that need to be defended at all costs.

For the Self, on the other hand, there is only connectedness, appreciation, gratitude, and love. None of these qualities need protecting. On the contrary, they are meant to be shared.

The key to egoless living is not ego bashing, but allowing the small self to find its rightful place within the larger Self.

Living in the Self

So how can you know when you’re living in the Self vs the small self? Listen to your self-talk. If you find yourself often saying in one form or another, “I am all alone in this” or “I am the only one” then you know that you are speaking from a place of ego—whether these phrases are used negatively or positively.

How can you learn to be egoless. Speak this simple mantra as if speaking to another person: “You are not alone.”

Before you dismiss this phrase as cliché, try saying it again. Close your eyes and drop into the full meaning of this simple phrase. No matter what you’re going through, no matter how singled out you feel by the universe, God, or other people, you are not alone.

You are never alone.

This immediately allows you to expand your sense of self so you can feel connected with, and draw strength from others. Your life will change from one primarily characterized by defensiveness to one of emotional and spiritual freedom.

Here are some more concrete benefits you can expect to experience when you learn to live in the Self:

1. You’ll learn to listen to the concerns of others without getting defensive

If you’re terrified of criticism or even constructive feedback, this will be a game changer for you. Just being rid of the feelings of dread alone is enough to rejoice but you’ll gain the added benefit of using useful feedback to serve others better and improve your life.

2. You’ll learn to be more flexible

If you’re a bit of a control freak, you hate the awful feeling you get when things don’t go as planned. Leading an egoless life will allow you to hold on to your plans more loosely. This mindset shift will allow you to discover meaningful experiences you never would have thought to try.

3. You’ll let go of the need to be a know-it-all

Because the truth is that there is so little any of us truly know. This will free you from pretending to have the answers when you don’t. This one is undoubtedly hard for the ego because the ego wants to be seen as smart and knowledgeable to others.

In the egoless self, you’ll learn to get comfortable with the phrase “I don’t know.”

4. You’ll stop trying to manipulate and control others

The ego likes to get what it wants. And the surest way to do so is to manipulate and control others—or is it? Can other Selves truly be controlled?

When you’re egoless you’ll see that no person can be truly manipulated and it’s not necessary. You’ll see that you already have within yourself everything you need.

5. You’ll stop worrying about what people think of you

Well, maybe you won’t stop the worry completely, but you’ll certainly stop obsessing over it to the point of paralysis. You’ll instead focus on what you can control, your own thoughts, rather the thoughts of others, which you cannot control.

Also in the Self, you’ll be less threatened by the thoughts of others because you’ll experience more kinship and compassion toward them, even if they are hostile toward you.

6. You’ll be quick to forgive and slow to resentment

When you feel connected to your larger Self, it will become more and more difficult to hold on to resentment. That’s because resentment is fuelled by your tendency to take things personally. But this is firmly in the realm of the small self—the small individual who feel separated from others and who needs to defend itself.

Instead, you’ll learn to quickly forgive in order to repair breaches in your connectedness with others.

7. You’ll stop thinking that life is unfair

This is a hard one.

Any of these phrases sound familiar?:

“I took care of myself, how come I got this disease?”

“I went to all the right schools, how come I don’t have my dream job?”

“Why me?”

The small self sees how suffering, pain, and disappointment can strike indiscriminately at any time. However, it holds on to the stubborn belief that it can exempt itself from suffering if it does all the right things.

The Self, however, understands that its connectedness means that suffering is a part of life and learns to use times of misfortune to grow stronger. You’ll become more resilient.

8. You’ll expect less and appreciate more

In the egoless Self, you’ll see more clearly that the source of most of your unhappiness comes from your expectations. In the past, their power came from being hidden. But you’ll see that you can instantly change your state by transforming your expectations to appreciation.

9. You’ll get more comfortable with discomfort

Discomfort will become your greatest personal development tool.

You’ll enter difficult situations trusting that your larger Self will not be obliterated, but instead have experiences you never thought possible.

10. You’ll stop feeling so alone in the world

This one feels like a given but it should be stated because of how isolated we’ve become.

So many of us are surrounded by people, but still feel alone. In the egoless Self, you won’t feel alone, even when you’re physically isolated. And you’ll learn to reach out to others when you’re in need.

11. You’ll have greater self-compassion and love

So many of us mistakenly believe that the selfless nature of living an egoless life means that one cannot love or care for themselves. Yes, self-love to the small self can be a destructive force. But egoless Self-love will lead to greater connectedness with others, not less.

And by learning to care for your own Self, you’ll more easily extend compassion and love to others, even those in your life who are most difficult to love.

Surrender the ego, daily

You may think that it’s daunting to live the egoless life. That it was just reserved for gifted mystics and people who could meditate eight hours a day.

But you too can enjoy the benefits of learning to quiet the ego.

You may not have hours in the day to meditate, but you can find many moments in your day when you feel isolated, stressed, or despondent.

In those moments, whisper to yourself, “You are not alone.”

Say it to yourself daily so you can surrender the ego and live a life of greater peace, joy, and ease.