3 Lies to Stop Telling Yourself

“Who are we but the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and believe?”

Scott Turow

You are telling yourself stories every minute of every day.

And most of them are, well, just stories.

The worst thing is that you may not even be consciously aware of them. Your stories are like water to a fish…or air to a human. 

They create the environment you live and breathe each day so it’s hard to detect them. It often takes a difficult situation to dislodge them from the unconscious to our conscious awareness. Suffering can be an opportunity to begin examining and even challenging our basic assumptions that contribute to our pain.

Or we wait till the end of our lives where we’re finally forced to confront the regrets created by our false narratives. 

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can expose the lies and gradually replace them with more powerful and truthful narratives. It’s not an easy process but it’s certainly a worthwhile one.

So let’s uncover some of these lies together in order to finally be free of them and live in truth.

Lies that are controlling our lives

Here they are:

1. I can’t change

Behind this lie is the belief that you’re incapable of positive change and growth. It’s one we so easily fall for because positive change can be hard to achieve. 

And our instant culture has taught us to believe that if we don’t see results in a day or two, then we should just give up the entire enterprise altogether. Whether it’s losing weight or improving relationships, or overcoming any personal obstacle, these efforts take time. 

What we often don’t realize is that below the surface of our fits and starts, there’s growth. Growth cannot happen without the resistance, without the failed attempts, without frustrations that come with feeling like you’re not making any progress.

The truth is that you are not only capable of change, but of transformation. You just have to stay in the game just long enough to allow it to happen.

2. I’m a bad person

First of all, if you’re saying this, there’s a good chance you’re not a bad person. Instead, the belief operating behind this lie is that you are unlovable because of who you are or what you’ve done.

It is one way, an unhealthy way, of coping with mistakes, regrets, and shame. However, the truth is that you are not defined by the worst things you’ve done, even when the world defines you that way. It is possible to regret past mistakes without concluding that you are bad. Flawed, sure, but not irredeemably so.

It is ironic that we tend to isolate ourselves when we feel like we’ve fallen short because it is those very imperfections that create points of connection with others. If we can stay with the pain long enough to allow for these connections, we realize that we are not alone in our suffering, in the ways that we fall short of our own expectations over and over again.

The realization that we are not alone is the key to breaking out of shame and reaching out to others for help and mutual encouragement.

When you’re taunted by the lie, “I’m a bad person,” respond from the deepest and wisest part of yourself with, “You’re not alone.”

3. The world is a bad place

Behind this lie is the often unspoken belief that the world should be more just and fair. It’s hard to know when this belief enters our lives but we do know that the instinct for fairness is present at a young age. 

And these beliefs don’t go away when we grow up. We believe that everyone should get equal slices of pie. We find it hard to stomach the fact that a small handful of people hold all the world’s wealth. We believe that good people should be rewarded—in this life—and that bad people should likewise suffer the consequences of their evil deeds.

But all around us are examples to the contrary and they cause us to suffer from the lie that the world is inherently bad. The truth is the world just is. There are good people who prosper and good people who suffer and vice versa. There are even good people who prosper and suffer at the same time.

The key to breaking free of this lie is to radically accept the world on its own terms. This will actually help us respond to suffering with greater compassion and help us be more open to all the good present in the world as well. Accept, respond, and repeat.

Be set free

When we’re caught by these lies, they can feel impossible to overcome but that is simply another lie. 

These lies cannot stand in the light of truth. Don’t be afraid to shine the light in the dark places. It’s time you set yourself free.