“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ~ Mark Twain
You know those days you take your car for an oil change and you’re told there’s more wrong with the car than you imagined?
Well, that kinda happened to me this week. Not with my car, but with my body.
I went to the doctor for my routine physical and – let’s just say I experienced a rude awakening to the fact that I cannot do whatever I want with my body anymore. I need to start paying attention to what I eat. I need to pay attention to my health.
Honestly, I felt a little angry, even resentful. All my life I was able to eat whatever I wanted, seemingly without consequences. All my past routine physicals were just that – routine. Not this one.
Being hit with a dose of reality was also humbling and a bit frightening. I realized that if I continued to ignore my diet, I could die much sooner. My thoughts turned immediately to my wife and young children. I felt very vulnerable sitting in the doctor’s office that day.
And in truth, I’m afraid of thinking about my death. I’m afraid of slowly losing my faculties, my health, and my freedom as I grow older. It’s something that I’m ashamed to admit because my faith in God, I believe, should make me less afraid of suffering – but I’m just as afraid as the next guy.
Two days after the visit with my doctor, I met two long-term survivors of ovarian cancer (let’s call them Jill and Debbie). Debbie told me that her diagnosis was terminal. Then she said, “I always thought that I would never be able to handle a diagnosis like this. I always thought I’d fall apart.” Instead, both women shared how spirituality helped them through one of the most difficult periods of their lives.
In speaking with Jill and Debbie, here are some lessons I learned that calmed my fears and strengthened my own faith:
1. You are stronger than you think
Debbie’s story taught me that we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Instead of falling apart as she had feared, Debbie realized that she need to focus her energy on getting well. Debbie let all other trivial concerns fall away.
2. You are not alone
When Jill received her diagnosis, she turned to God and her faith community for strength. Jill became involved in a healing touch ministry program at her church. She credits this program for helping her heal her body, mind, and spirit.
3. Attitude is everything
Both Jill and Debbie told me that they would not have gotten through their health crisis without a generous dose of gratitude. I could see it in their eyes – they both looked grateful to be alive many years after their initial diagnosis. It was easy to see that they took nothing for granted. This allowed them to enjoy the small graces in each moment rather than worry about a future they could not control.
Be not afraid
I’ve always believed that I don’t have what it takes to face my mortality well. I’ve always imagined that I will succumb to fear and anxiety.
But as I listened to these stories, I realized that I truly had little to fear. I knew that I can be just as courageous in facing my relatively minor health concern now or more serious health problems in the future.
Because I can focus on taking control of what I can right now and surrender the rest.
You can too.
Hello Cylon,
Sincerely hope this finds you content.
We are a funny species – we get anxious about getting anxious – one of the reasons I admire animals so much – they just get on with things, doing the best they can.
Several things spring to mind – first, is that we become aware that we are not alone in suffering a reality check about something we all share – becoming dependent when we’ve always been in control. Second, we would become utter and complete monsters if it wasn’t for the vulnerability that illness brings us (I’m thinking of the Nazis who thought they were invincible because they had been continually victorious up until they invaded Russia). Third, the aspect that you noted so well, downturns can bring forth a strength from an aspect of our being that we had not been aware of and which would have been hidden from us had it not been for that adversity. Lastly, of course, we can become a model for others who are also going through tough times when everyone else seems to be having a jolly time and seem bewildered we can’t join in.
Having said all that (sorry to ramble on) I sincerely hope everything turns out in your favour – that you continue to see how you are serving your community well whatever happens.
Thank so much Zarayna. We are truly a funny species! Thankfully we can laugh at ourselves from time to time – always therapeutic when I do. Thank you for sharing these great thoughts. You’re right, our vulnerability keeps us in touch with our humanity. I’m grateful that I can be vulnarable – even when it’s hard.