8 Ways To Control Your Tongue For Spiritual Health

 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”  

Proverbs 18:21

When you think of being spiritually healthy, what comes to mind?

You’d be forgiven for thinking of yoga poses, healthy eating, and gratitude journaling because we tend to focus spiritual health on individual practices so we feel more calm, less tense and more at ease.

However, there’s one important aspect of spiritual health that’s often overlooked—relationships.

And how do we create and maintain harmonious relationships? With that small and overlooked part of the body called the tongue.

Your tongue is a powerful tool (or weapon)

Your tongue might be small, even invisible, but it can chart the course of our lives for good or ill.

The Bible says that the tongue is “a small part of the body” (James 3:5), yet it “defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life” (James 3:6).

And Jesus himself said “It is not what enters the mouth that defiles the person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles the person” (Matthew 15:11).

Our tongues are powerful tools that can be used to build up or tear down. It has the power to ignite personal conflicts and destroy relationships and it has the power to bring healing and blessings to others. 

If you want to promote spiritual health in yourself and others, you must pay attention to what comes out of your mouth as much as what goes in.

Here are 8 important ways your tongue can be used as blessing rather than a curse:

1. Say hello

I once heard a tragic story of a young man who committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. He’d left a note in his apartment which said, “I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.”

The need to be seen, heard, and understood is necessary for human flourishing. Yet, we’re often so wrapped up in our own worlds we fail to notice each other. A friendly hello or even a genuine smile is all that’s needed in most cases.

Of course, it’s important to note that sometimes a smile is not enough to dissuade someone from harming themselves and that we cannot take responsibility for their actions. But it does highlight the need to be kind to all those we meet, even in passing.

Saying hello has the power to brighten someone’s day, give them hope, and help them to feel like they’re not alone. 

And the magic of saying hello even when you’re not in the mood is that it can do the same for you.

2. Keep it shut

If you’re not sure whether to say something, ask yourself if you would want it spread around. If the answer is no, don’t say it. It’s that simple. 

Don’t assume that what you say won’t be repeated, even amplified. Keeping this in mind will keep the tendency to engage in harmful gossip at bay.

This also helps when we’re tempted to sound off on social media. If what you’re about to type or say adds nothing constructively to a debate or discussion, it’s better left unsaid. 

If you feel like you absolutely have to share potentially negative feedback, it’s better to do it with the person privately. Compassionately give them the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to course correct.

3. Be generous with your compliments

We all have good qualities that can be noticed and complimented. It doesn’t take much to offer a brief word of appreciation or affirmation. 

Challenge yourself to think of things you can compliment a person about, especially if it’s a person you don’t like.

If you are not in the habit of doing this, it will seem a little awkward at first, but you will likely see how even your enemies cannot help but respond positively to genuine appreciation and you will probably be offered appreciation in return. 

A word of caution. If you cannot offer a compliment genuinely, it’s better to not say anything because you may be seen as being manipulative.

Genuine affirmation has the power to draw others to you and gain their trust. You’ll become a powerful bridge builder and force for good.

4. Watch your tone 

We’re often told that as much as 40% of our communication is conveyed by our tone while the actual words said only count for less than 10%.

Yet in reality we don’t pay attention to our tone especially in emotionally charged situations. Even when we’re trying to be helpful with our words, an unhelpful tone can undermine our words and unintentionally fracture relationships.

It would be helpful to consider and explore your own tendencies when you feel stressed. Does your tone mocking, sarcastic, bullying, angry, condescending, defensive, or minimizing? 

Awareness of this will give you the opportunity to adjust to a more friendly, respectful, understanding, or empathetic tone.

5. Be slow to respond

When in conversation with someone, make it your goal to speak as few words as possible. This will help guard you against interrupting and misunderstanding because you will be forced to focus on listening and understanding instead of responding.

When someone has finished speaking, take a moment before you respond and give them an opportunity to make any corrections if necessary. If they are explaining something that requires using examples, ask for clarification if something is not clear to you.

Consider paraphrasing what was said back to the person you were speaking with before giving your response. It lets them know that you were listening and understood their message.

Combine all this with good eye contact and open body language, and you will promote harmonious relationships and openhearted communication and dialogue.

6. Watch how you talk to yourself

Do you carelessly say things like “I’m such a loser” or “I’m so stupid” when you make a mistake? If so, you’re sabotaging your own spiritual health without even realizing it. 

When you catch yourself saying these kinds of things, stop and replace them with more compassionate statements like “that was a bad choice” or “I made a mistake.” Make these new statements part of your routine. Over time, your brain will start responding positively to these new inputs.

We all make mistakes, but just because you do so from time to time doesn’t mean you’re worthless or hopeless.

7. Don’t make promises you can’t keep

In other words, don’t say things that are untrue or outright lies. 

When we make promises we can’t keep such as breaking another’s confidence or failing to follow through on something you said you would do, you break trust in a way that is hard to repair. You will lose friendships and be seen as untrustworthy and unreliable. 

If someone asks you to commit to something you know you cannot follow through on, resist the temptation to say yes in order to avoid potential conflict. In fact, your fears will likely be unfounded as most people respect their friends more when they are up front and truthful, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s a sign of integrity which is one of the key ingredients to earning trust.

8. Be willing to admit wrong

Because we put so much value in being right, it can be extremely hard to admit wrong and make a sincere apology.

Truth is, we all make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best to control our speech. Contrary to our fears, being up-front about this fact will not make us weak, but will disarm our would-be enemies and detractors. And if you apologize sincerely, you may even receive an apology in return.

If you’re scared by the possibility that your apology won’t be accepted, seek forgiveness anyway. The other person’s response is out of your hands and is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to be true to yourself by doing what’s right. That is all that’s required for restoring emotional and spiritual health.

Talk your way to spiritual health

Recognizing the power of our words and doing our best not to hurt others through them is a lifelong process. 

Like most things, it’s something that can be worked on and improved with practice, especially if we’re willing to seek a little help along the way. 

But once we learn to control our tongues, we will reap the rewards with greater spiritual health and well-being.