7 Powerful Questions to Help You Forgive

To err is human, to forgive divine ~ Alexander Pope

It’s not like you haven’t tried to let it go.

The hurt that a certain person caused you years ago.

But every time the memory of what happened resurfaces, the hurt is almost as intense as it was on the day you were betrayed. You want to let go but you’re simply unable to summon the will to do so.

You want to be free of the pain of resentment and bitterness, but you can’t find a way out.

Forgiving someone who hurt you is probably the hardest thing there is. But if you want emotional and spiritual freedom, forgiveness is the key to unlocking what you most deeply desire.

If you want to forgive but don’t know where to begin, here are 7 questions you can ponder to help you be more open to forgiving and letting go:

1. What are my options?

When we feel stuck and unable to to forgive, we mistakenly believe that we have no choice but to feel the way we’re feeling. But that’s simply not true. Asking yourself “What are my options?” has the power to unlock this truth in a way that allows you to see that you can choose to let go rather than hold on.

This is the essence of forgiveness. It’s not making nice with the perpetrator or condoning their actions, it’s simply choosing to let go of the hurt that’s slowly destroying you.

2. Would I be ok leaving this unresolved if I died today?

How much better might our lives be overall if we remembered our death every single day?

Try this. Close your eyes. Transport yourself to the day of your death. Is holding on to resentment toward this person or issue bringing you peace as you lay dying? I highly doubt it.

And here’s the thing, it’s not bringing you peace right now either. So why not let it go so you can be at peace both now and on the day you die?

3. Who am I hurting?

A frequent motivation, often unconscious, for not forgiving someone is the desire to hurt the other person. Withholding affection, wishing ill on the person, the silent treatment. These are all ways we seek to return the hurt on those who hurt us.

You may think you’re hurting them, and you might. But here’s the thing. You’re likely only hurting yourself. Is your punishing them worth the pain?

4. What am I waiting for?

If it’s an apology, you may be waiting a long time. Do you want the person who hurt you to have that much control? Because if you’re waiting for them to apologize before you can let go and experience relief, you’ve given them total control over your life.

Asking this powerful question helps you remember that you really don’t need to wait.

5. What do I want to experience in this moment?

Do you want peace or pain? Do you want to feel free or imprisoned?

If you focus on what you want to experience in any given moment, you can feel more empowered to make the right choices to achieve your desired state. If you want peace and freedom, forgiveness is the way to go.

6. What do I have to lose?

Your righteous anger? Your self-pity? Your suffering?

Would it be so bad if you lost all these?

7. What about justice?

Maybe you’re thinking at this point, “This is all good but what about justice?”

What is the purpose of your desire for justice? Is it to cut the other person down or is it a desire to bring healing and wholeness to what was broken? The former is retributive justice that often results in more harm than good.

The latter requires deep and thoughtful engagement with the perpetrator on how relationship and community might be restored. It also requires a forgiving heart. It’s a much harder process, but it can yield tremendous fruit.

To forgive is divine

Tired of feeling resentful all the time? Tired of letting the past control your present and future?

Meditate on these questions. Write them down. Bring them to mind when you feel unable to forgive.

You’ll discover the path to the emotional and spiritual freedom you seek.

Because, to forgive is divine.