“The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself” ~ Douglas Coupland.
You know the feeling.
The feeling of being isolated from others, even from ourselves.
It can feel scary and challenging. At times like this, we can often feel sorry for ourselves, thinking that everyone else has it better than we do.
But the truth?
We’re all fighting our own battles with isolation in ways that are not apparent at first glance.
Listening to your inner voice
If you find yourself constantly phoning a friend when loneliness creeps in, or surfing dating sites as soon as a relationship ends, or turning on the T.V. to chase away silence, know that being alone, or even lonely, isn’t always a bad thing.
Aloneness gives you an opportunity to hear and listen to your inner voice, a voice that we often fight hard to avoid.
Why are we so afraid to encounter this voice? Because it represents venturing into the unknown, into the deepest part of ourselves. There’s no telling what potential “dangers” we’ll find there.
However, this voice is not meant to bring us harm but to lead us into wholeness.
When you get to know this voice on a deep level, here are some incredible benefits you’ll encounter:
1. You’ll stop being afraid of what others think of you.
2. You’ll no longer be afraid to speak up for what you need from yourself and others.
3. You’ll learn to be with others not out of neediness, but from a desire to contribute to your relationships in a meaningful way.
4. You’ll trust your instincts and become a more confident decision maker.
5. You’ll learn to love and treat yourself with compassion, even when you make mistakes. You’ll also extend this kindness to others.
Getting to know you
If you’re feeling all alone in the world right now use this time as an opportunity to get to know you.
Don’t be afraid to go deep within.
Because there’s so much richness inside.
And it’s only by going within that you’ll allow this richness become visible.
Hello Cylon,
Thank you for this post.
Having had a think, I’m trying to say that the worst feeling of aloneness is called alienation or disconnect.
And we could be in the company of others, or by oneself, or reading a version of ourselves that is inaccurate, or being aware of prejudices and ignorant beliefs that are totally incompatible with ours – and worst of all, realising that one has, indeed, said or done something profoundly wrong. These things produce a disconnect and emphasise our apparent isolation from the rest of the world.
I’m still working at things, Cylon!
Thank you and have a good week.
Zara, I definitely agree…we’re very prone in our modern age to compartmentalized living…it’s one of the reasons why I believe we’re afraid to go within. We’re afraid to encounter all the contradictions that lie within. And by doing so, we deepen our isolation from our very selves. I think for those of us brave enough to venture within, we must do so carefully and even with support and help from others when possible. But while others can hold us and support us while we make the journey, they can only go so far. Not sure if any of this makes sense…lol…but your comment prompted this 🙂
Thanks for responding and doing so with a very interesting point.
Maybe I’m speaking for myself but it seems common – we get so entranced with ‘our thoughts’ and ‘our opinions’ that we spend so much time defending them, we forget that at best they are just temporary stuff that might be useful or might not! That’s all. And then one day we shut up and become aware that there is a whole deeper world – both internally and externally and ‘our views/beliefs/opinions’ might be preventing us from experiencing such.
One step at a time!
Thanks, Cylon.
Hi Cylon – I think that sometimes there’s a big difference in being alone and being lonely. Well said.
Absolutely. I believe learning how to be alone can save us from loneliness.
Thanks for this, Cylon. You’ve reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by author Alice Koller: “Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your won presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement.” xo
Linda, a beautiful quote. I looked her up and found another from her website: “On the far shores of solitude, some basic questions find answers.” Thank you for sharing her wisdom 🙂
Thanks Cylon. Right on target again! I’d never been alone, my whole life. Good, bad, or ugly, I was never alone. The realization that I would be alone, just shy of my 52nd birthday, scared me… to death! But, it turned out to be the best period of time in my life. Although counseling played a very brief role, most of the hard work of the listening you described, was done in those moments when I was totally alone. You are right, and I did reap the benefits you identified. The greatest realization was the freedom I experienced. It’s amazing how you can be so totally imprisoned and alone, when you are actually not (physically) “alone.” The greatest gift I received during my period of time alone (span of… 5ish years) was the freedom to be me, which gave me the freedom to be there for others… to trust, accept, and love others wherever they were on their own journey. I would not trade that time for anything in the world. It prepared me for this new path I’m walking… PS. It didn’t take me too long at all to discover that I really enjoyed being alone with me!
RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE.
I’ve lived alone for over 35 years – been isolated for the past decade or more. I do NOT agree with the first 4 items on this list. It makes a big difference if you are alone but still connected to family or friends. Being alone with zero connections is a very different experience. No matter how deep you go into your spiritual self, you do not erase the first four listed issues just by “solitude” or isolation. This article is misleading. I would like to see research materials used for the assertions made.
I’m sorry you feel like the post is misleading. I am not suggesting that connections to family and friends are not important…they are certainly are, even vital. The post is simply inviting the reader to explore possible benefits of aloneness – which I see as a voluntary exploration of being alone. Isolation is a very different thing. It’s often involuntary and unwelcome – rightfully so I might add. Might I also add that this post is purely my opinion borne of experience and observation. I do not claim to be presenting facts here and the reader certainly has a right to disagree and click away.