We’re not talking football here! We’re going to spend a few moments talking about giving and receiving.
We are a giving society. We place a high value on helping our neighbors in need because it’s the right thing to do, not because we expect something in return. Our culture also value independence and freedom. These two values can work against each other when it comes to benefitting from the generosity of others.
Do you shy away from compliments? Do you have a habit of being self-deprecating? Do you turn down offers of assistance when you are clearly in need? Do you resist “good feelings” when you are in a position to give?
I first came to the United States as an international student. My first years were very difficult because I always felt indebted to someone. I depended totally on friends and helpful strangers for transportation, housing and food during semester breaks. I also turned to them for companionship since I had no family living close by. It took me a little while but once I opened my self to these acts of kindness, I was able to thrive in my studies and form deep and lasting friendships.
The resistance to receiving graciously may come from these, mostly unspoken, beliefs about receiving:
- Accepting a helping hand makes me appear weak and/or self centered.
- Receiving means that I am in the giver’s debt.
- Receiving means admitting that I am vulnerable.
- Unsolicited generosity makes me suspicious of the giver’s intentions.
I eventually began to change my thinking about what it means to be a receiver of generosity.
Some Thoughts On Receiving To Consider
When compliments are given, simply say thanks. Compliments can be a great way to help discern your unique gifts. You may find yourself receiving the same compliments over and over. Do not ignore this. Pray about or meditate on what you are hearing. Compliments may actually be a call for you to give more of that gift to the world.
Giving and receiving are inseparably linked. When a person gives freely, he or she is also simultaneously receiving the satisfaction that flows naturally from giving. Some may resist this idea as self serving. Certainly this is true if a person’s only motivation is to please one’s self. However much about the spiritual life rest on this principle: When we help others, we help ourselves. When we help ourselves, we help no one. When we receive, we are offering the giver the opportunity to practice charity. This will benefit both parties.
Pay it forward. Do this once you are in a position to give. This will help you overcome the feeling of always being in “debt.” You do not need to repay the person who helped you.
Be open to intimacy. Being vulnerable can create opportunities for intimacy. Lifelong friendships can be formed or deepened when we let others in to help us when we are in need.
In truth, givers and receivers need each other. Givers may get all the press but don’t let that stop you from receiving blessings with grace.