“The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t.” ~ Joshua Becker
It happens so gradually, you barely realize it.
That your home has become a glorified storage facility.
You’ve got more stuff than you’ll ever need or use. You don’t even know what’s in your various piles anymore. All you know is that it’s taking up valuable space and weighing down your soul.
You want to tidy things up, but you don’t know where to begin. You’re overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and frustrated.
My wife and I certainly felt that way. With a family of eight it’s hard keeping our house clutter-free. Then my wife recently stumbled on a little unassuming looking book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. You may have heard of it because it’s a mega-bestseller.
Within a few days, our house was turned upside down. Countless bags of our stuff were being hauled off to Goodwill or being given away on Freecycle.
Since I also desired to declutter our home (and my soul) I joined in the effort. I picked up the little book and read it for myself.
I was interested in the “tidying up” part of the book. But I was also very interested in the “life-changing” part.
If you feel like you’re drowning in your stuff and want a way out, these few takeaways I gleaned from the book may just be the lifeline you need:
1. We have relationships with things
While most of us take the stuff we own for granted, Kondo offers a different view. Whether we know it or not, we have relationships with our things – and this has implications on our willingness to discard items that have outlived their usefulness.
Kondo’s method takes us outside our comfort zone by advocating that we treat our things as if they were living. This mainly involves talking to our possessions and thanking them for all they do for us.
If this seems strange for you, think back your childhood and your relationships with the toys you had. Didn’t you talk to them? Didn’t you treat them like they were alive?
Think about the gadgets you own now. Think about how lost you’d be without your smartphone or laptop. Think about the fact that you can already talk to a variety of “smart” devices including appliances, thermostats, cars, and watches. And many of them can talk back to you. Our devices will only get better at being more human-like. They’ll seem more alive.
Even if you’re not willing to talk to your items, acknowledging what they represent will help you avoid unhealthy attachments. This is especially true for sentimental items. Kondo writes:
By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past. If you just stow these things away in a drawer or cardboard box, before you realize it, your past will become a weight that holds you back and keeps you from living in the here and now.
So ask yourself, “What’s keeping me from going through my piles of books or papers?”
2. Only keep the things that spark joy
The heart of Kondo’s method is the process she uses to determine whether to keep or discard something. In her book, she describes the one selection criterion this way:
Take each item in one’s hand and ask: “Does this spark joy?” If it does, keep it. if not, dispose of it.
You might wonder “How do I know when something sparks joy?” In my experience, I’ve found that my first reaction is the correct one. It cuts right through the rationalizations and deliberate decision-making that often stop me from getting rid of something.
Is it perfect? No. But I’ve been able to part with many more of my things by asking this simple but powerful question.
Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink, studies our ability to make good decisions very quickly with little information. He argues that, contrary to popular belief, snap judgments and first impressions can be powerfully accurate in complex circumstances. Kondo’s method is a great application of Gladwell’s findings.
So pick up that shirt you wore on your honeymoon or the dog collar from your long departed Fido and ask “Does this spark joy?” Trust the first answer that immediately comes to mind. If the answer is no, thank it for a job well done and let it go.
How do you want to live your life?
Do you want to continue to be buried by stuff that weigh you down emotionally or do you desire your surroundings to bring you joy?
Kondo says:
The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.
If you’ve decided that you want to lighten your load, take some time to go through the piles and make the hard choices of what to keep and what to let go.
You’ll feel lighter, happier, and more free.