“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
A.A. Milne, from “Winnie the Pooh”
As the clock strikes midnight, marking the beginning of a New Year, it’s like a scene straight out of Cinderella – enchanting, magical, filled with promises and champagne toasts.
We’re captivated by the romance of transforming our lives as easily as Cinderella’s rags turned into a ballgown. But, just like Cinderella, when the magic fades, we wake up. Not to a fairy tale, but to a hangover that reminds us our old challenges didn’t vanish with the fireworks.
Recently, the stark reality of life’s fragility hit me in successive waves. A close friend losing their life-long partner, a heartbreak that no amount of holiday cheer could mend. The daily news of senseless death and destruction in Ukraine, Gaza, and beyond. And the shock of just learning about a beloved podcaster’s terminal diagnosis. It’s like life’s nudging me, rather insistently, to reflect on a topic we often shy away from – our own mortality.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Death and destruction? Come on, I was here for New Year inspiration!” But stick with me. Preparing for the inevitable isn’t just about doom and gloom; it’s a profound act of love and responsibility.
Resolve to Prepare for the Inevitable
In my hospice work I’ve seen time and time again the results and aftermath of individuals and families not preparing for the inevitable:
Fear.
Panic.
Confusion.
Denial.
Fighting.
Resentment.
Division.
But what if you could give yourself and your loved ones the chance to experience something else:
Acceptance.
Peace.
Forgiveness.
Memories
Love.
These are just some of the powerful benefits of intentionally preparing for your death. Here are a few practical steps to start with:
1. Draft a Will
A will is your voice after you’ve left the stage. It’s where you articulate who gets what, be it your prized vinyl collection or your grandmother’s pearls. Consult a lawyer to ensure it’s watertight legally. The last thing you want is family squabbles over technicalities. And if you already have a will, be sure to update it as your life changes.
2. Create an Advanced Directive
An advanced directive is your medical blueprint. This is where you lay out your wishes for medical care if you’re unable to communicate. Do you want life support? What about resuscitation? The clearer you are, the easier it is for your loved ones to honor your wishes without the burden of guessing.
3. Choose a Healthcare Proxy
Think of your healthcare proxy as your very own medical spokesperson. That’s because this will be the person who speaks for you medically when you can’t. Be sure the person your choose understands your wishes and is willing to advocate for them. So choose wisely; it’s a big responsibility.
4. Plan Your Funeral
How do you want to be remembered? Burial or cremation? Lavish ceremony or modest gathering? Consider environmentally friendly choices like green burials or biodegradable urns if sustainability aligns with your values. Think about who you would like to speak at your funeral. Consider reaching out to them in advance to discuss your wishes.
5. Prepare Your Finances
List out your liabilities and assets. This includes debts, credit cards, investments, savings, etc. Make sure the executor of your will or a trusted family member knows how to access your financial accounts.
6. Gather Important Documents
Gather your birth certificate, marriage license, deeds, insurance policies, and any other important documents. Store them in a safe place where your executor or trusted family can easily find them.
7. Secure Your Digital Legacy
Don’t forget your digital assets. This includes social media accounts, digital wallets, and blog passwords.
8. Discuss Legal Guardianship
If you have children or dependents, decide who will take care of them and include it in your legal documents.
9. Make Pet Care Plans
Don’t forget about your pets. Make arrangements for their care after you’re gone.
10. Have Heart-to-Heart Conversations
And here’s where it gets really real – talking to your loved ones about your wishes. Sure, it can feel awkward, a bit like dancing with two left feet. But it’s a dance worth doing. It ensures that your voice echoes in your absence, guiding those you care about in honoring your memory just the way you’d want.
Instead of making a resolution to hit the gym more or finally learn the ukulele, focus on something more enduring. It’s about tidying up loose ends, not for the sake of morbidity, but for the comfort of knowing that in any event, your loved ones won’t be left in the dark, grappling with decisions amidst grief.
The Greatest Gift
So, as we step into this New Year, let’s do so with a little more courage and a lot more preparation.
It’s time to ensure that our love and legacy live on, long after the party’s over.
After all, the greatest gift we can leave behind is not a mystery, but a clear, loving plan.
Happy New Year, Cylon!
Thank you for your good advice. I’ve more or less completed my departure plans – what I must do though is to be more organised with my day to day plans!
Wishing you and your family well.
Zara.
I like this way of thinking about starting a new year.