How to Survive a Growth Experience

“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”
~Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow

Do you fancy yourself as someone who’s interested in personal growth?

Do you read self-help book after self-help book searching for the magic formula to achieving breakthroughs in your life?

As you probably know, most of us like to talk about personal growth but relatively few of us actually put ourselves in situations where we’re forced to grow. We intellectualize and romanticize the idea of personal growth.

We fool ourselves into thinking that we can bypass all the pain involved in growth by just having the answers or following hacks to get us there. But this is not how growth works.

Learning from the fitness world

Anyone who wants to grow muscle knows that they must push their bodies, not to the breaking limit, but beyond it. You must literally damage your muscle fibers so they can repair themselves and grow stronger.

And this is not a one-time process. You must push yourself beyond the breaking point repeatedly with periods of rest and recovery in between.

In order to grow as persons, we must also be willing to do the same with our lives.

How do you know you’re having a growth experience?

You feel like you’re handling your obligations well, then something small changes and all of a sudden you feel like you’re drowning.

You consider yourself a life-long learner but when you truly challenge yourself, you feel frustrated when you meet resistance.

You see yourself a loving person, then you meet someone who really gets under your skin.

If you’re currently in a situation where you feel like you’re beyond your capacity, then you’re in the midst of a growth experience. In order to survive the storm, here are some steps to help you along the way:

1. Acknowledge the pain.

Here’s the truth: growth hurts, period.

It’s not glamorous or fun. Don’t try to sugarcoat the experience. Instead, acknowledge that you’re hurting. Do not resist the experience of feeling helpless, because you’ve entered new territory. It’s natural.

2. Keep the end goal in mind.

What is your big “why” behind wanting a growth experience? What will be possible if you can endure this period of pain?

Is your why to die with with no regrets? Or have meaningful relationships? Or reach your full potential? Don’t let it slip out of view when things get tough. Write it down and read it every day.

3. Find a partner

The growth process will break you. But you don’t have to do it alone. You can partner with someone to help you along your path. This can be a trusted friend for support, an accountability partner, or a mentor.

Find yourself two or three trusted advisors who know what it’s like to endure the pains of the growth experience.

4. Give yourself space

In the realm of physical fitness, muscles can only be repaired when they are allowed time to recover through rest.

If you’re in the midst of a growth experience, you’ll need space for spiritual and emotional recovery. Go for a nature walk. Read for pleasure. Spend time with someone whose company you enjoy.

5. Stay in the game

When in the middle of a growth experience, it will feel like you’re failing. It is at this point where most people turn back. The trick to not turning back is to see your “failure” as a sign of progress.

The greater the urge you feel to quit, the greater the possibility that you’re on the verge of a breakthrough experience. But you must stay in the game to get there.

Embrace your growth experience

Growth hurts, but it’s critical to your overall physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

Yes, you can set your sights lower so you can get some emotional relief. But who are you kidding?

You weren’t meant for mediocrity.

Remember this and you’ll not only survive your growth experience, you’ll thrive.