How to Endure the Struggle

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.” ~ John Milton

They’re hard to miss.

The people who seem to have it all together.

They have perfect relationships, live in great neighborhoods, went to the right schools, have amazing jobs, and donate lots of time and money to worthy causes.

Meanwhile, you’re in a job you hate but with responsibilities to manage at home, you feel like you have no option but to endure it. You’d like to feel happier and more content, but there’s always something to remind you just how crappy your life is—the car breaks down for the third time this month, or your kid got suspended from school, or you bounced another check.

Still you persevere. You put on a brave face to the world, letting everyone know you’re ok. Sometimes you can manage to convince a few that you’re even better than ok. And through the magic of social media, you can make your life appear near perfect if you wanted to.

I don’t doubt that there are some truly happy people out there. People who have amazing mastery over their inner lives and are able to stay positive no matter what life throws at them.

However, for many people, finding joy, fulfillment, and meaning in life is a daily struggle. But they’re so afraid of being judged because of their struggles that they hide the difficult parts of their lives.

Walking with a limp

In the book of Genesis, there’s a peculiar story of Jacob’s encounter with a man, who we’re told “wrestled with him until the dawn began to break (Genesis 32:24).”  The story continues:

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When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”

But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.”

“What is your name?” the man asked.

He replied, “Jacob”

“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.”

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Then we’re told that the man “blessed Jacob there.”

This “man” Jacob wrestled with was none other than God. Jacob’s daring move earned him God’s blessing, but it came at a price. The encounter left Jacob with a permanent limp. Some commentaries say that in wrestling with God, Jacob was wrestling his own demons.

While most of us are afraid to confront our own demons, Jacob wanted the blessing so bad, he was willing to endure the struggle through the dark night. If he was not willing to struggle and suffer a painful limp, he would not have received the blessing.

No matter the station in life, every human being is engaged in a shared cosmic struggle for survival, meaning, and significance. Whether you’re rich or poor, a success or a failure, well educated or ignorant, you are engaged in the struggle.

Struggling together

If this is true, why do we work so hard to hide our struggle from others? Worse, why do we do all we can to appear better than others? Because the truth is that we’re all limping, even those of us who seem to have perfect lives.

What if instead of constantly trying to one-up each other, we learn to struggle together?
What instead of having all the answers to questions big and small, we ponder them together?
What if instead of suffering in silence, we create spaces to share our common struggles thereby discovering our common humanity?

What if instead of beating ourselves up for not being perfect like other people, we embrace all of who we are? Jacob, the great biblical patriarch, was actually a person of questionable moral character (his name means “deceiver”). But his imperfections did not stop him from seeking the blessing, transforming him into Israel (meaning “God fights”).

Life sobers us all

A health crisis.
A job loss.
A business failure.
A painful divorce.
A sudden death.
A destructive addiction.
A moral failing.

Life sobers us all and our painful experiences leave us all limping around.

But instead of treating the limp as something to be ashamed of, see it for what it is—a sign of personal growth, maturity, and wisdom.

Claim the blessings that come with the more painful experiences of life. You may be bruised, but you’re also stronger, smarter, and wiser. Your scars are signs of victory, not of defeat.

If you feel like you’re still waiting for the blessing, don’t give up. Keep fighting the good fight.