“Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
If you’ve lost a loved one during the holiday season, you know how ridiculously hard it can be to get through it.
If you’re caring for a dying family member, Christmas simply may not exist for you this year, and quite possibly for many years to come.
As the world buzzes in preparation and anticipation of celebration, presents, and time with family, you may be dealing with loneliness, isolation, depression, anxiety, stress, and sadness.
As others are eagerly setting goals and planning for a brighter new year, you may be dealing with feelings of hopelessness, wondering whether you can muster the strength to go on, or even whether you want to go on at all.
Before I started working with the terminally ill and their families, they were largely invisible to me. They were tucked away in hospital rooms, at nursing homes, or at home with exhausted caregivers.
We’ve gotten better and better at obscuring suffering, even when it’s in plain sight.
We have all known suffering. Whether it be through the loss of a loved one, lost friendships, lost income, lost opportunities, or a lost sense of certainty and peace.
Yet we continue to carry on as normal.
Until we can’t.
The holiday season has a way of forcing us to confront the feelings we’ve been running away from all year. The happy lights and songs remind us of all we’ve lost and life can quickly become overwhelming and unbearable.
What do you do when there’s nowhere else to run?
You stop running.
You surrender.
It’s ok to grieve. It’s ok to just be. And it’s ok to stop pretending you’re ok.
Let’s stop pretending together.
Because we can only transcend our suffering by first making it visible to ourselves and to one another.
Thank you, Cylon – much appreciated.
Please allow me to take the opportunity to thank you for all of your help during the last year and wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.
Oh, my pleasure Zara. I always appreciate your thoughtful comments…thank you! A Merry Christmas and peaceful New Year to you too 🙂
Thank you Cylon. This is such a hard time of the year for too many people. I remember when I was grieving – when I was “abandoned” by my spouse – it was as real for me as grieving a death. What was hard for people to understand was that it was OK to let me be alone during the holidays. It was far more painful to be with other families when I was alone because it was like rubbing salt into a wound. I could handle being alone, I could not handle being alone with spouses and family members who loved each other. Yes, it’s important to be with those who are grieving but it’s also important to recognize boundaries that enable the one grieving to survive the holidays. Be with the grieving person outside of the hustle and bustle and happiness and joy. Be with them in a quiet and gentle setting. For me, it would have broken me more to be alone with them as they celebrated.