“Trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole world changes in an instant.” ~Tony Robbins
It’s a crappy feeling isn’t it?
The way life can sometimes feel like it’s careening uncontrollably toward disaster—kinda like the feeling you get when you’ve lost control of a moving car.
And believe me, I know what it’s like to lose control of a car. I think my guardian angel was working overtime on that snowy day years ago. My car skidded across four lanes of highway traffic after going over a patch of ice, hitting a large snowbank on the side of the road. Miraculously, no one was hurt and there was hardly a scratch on the car.
But the feeling of complete helplessness is something I won’t soon forget. This is often how I feel whenever I’m overwhelmed, except the feeling lasts a lot longer than a few seconds.
If you ever have the misfortune to lose control of your car, there are precious few things you can do to minimize the risk of hurting yourself or others. Fortunately, you have many more options when it comes to overwhelm.
So if you’re feeling overwhelmed with everything that’s going in your life right now, fear not. There are some concrete steps you can take to regain a sense of control of your life.
Expectation vs reality
In most cases, overwhelm is a realization that a gap exists between your expectations and reality. The greater the gap, the greater the feeling of being overwhelmed.
This gap is often created when our expectations are too demanding or when our reality changes in a way we did not anticipate.
The key to releasing the grip of this powerful emotion is narrowing that gap. Here are steps you can take to achieve this:
1. Accept
It’s ironic that one of the biggest sources of overwhelm is the expectation that we ought not be overwhelmed in the first place. If it’s something you’re not expecting to happen to you, overwhelm can catch you by surprise, generating feelings of helplessness and resentment.
But here’s the thing:
Overwhelm is a natural part of life.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, congratulations, you’re a living, breathing, dynamic human being. Because life is like a roller coaster ride with it’s ups, downs, twists, and turns. Life is also like the seasons with alternating periods of relative calm and periods of varying degrees of stress and anxiety.
Accepting this reality immediately begins the process of narrowing the gap between your expectations and your reality. However, this does not mean that there’s nothing you can do to mitigate or even eliminate the pain of overwhelm. This brings us to the remaining steps.
2. Sleep
If you’re inundated with work or worried about a relationship gone south or you’re trying to cope with a major life change, the first thing to go is sleep. We unconsciously try to narrow the gap between expectations and reality by working through the night or by overthinking ourselves to death.
Sometimes all you need is a good night’s sleep, but this is not always easy. Letting go so our bodies and minds can rest calls for great courage, humility, trust, and surrender. But if you allow it to happen, you’ll feel a whole lot better the next day.
3. Adapt
In our efforts to mind the expectation-reality gap, we may not be able to control reality but we can adapt our expectations to match our reality. This may mean revising our goals, delegating tasks, quitting projects, or saying no to new ones.
It may involve taking a retreat, hiring a coach, or ending a relationship. Adapting may feel like failure in the moment, but this ability is critical for success long-term.
4. Celebrate
When we’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we can easily fall into an all or nothing mindset. The things we manage to accomplish in the midst of overwhelm might just as well never have happened. But celebrating our small wins creates space for gratitude to take hold of our hearts.
Celebrating wins allows us to clearly see the progress we’re making even if it feels like we’re not. And it gives us perspective and hope.
Work with reality, not against it
Overwhelm may be a part of life, but you don’t have to succumb to it.
Work with reality instead of working against it.
Rather than being a burden, overwhelm will become a powerful ally in helping you live the life you’re meant to lead.
All you need to do is stop and listen.
it’s careening uncontrollably towardS disaster
Expectation vs reality
(or)
Expectations vs realities
Overwhelm is A natural part of life.
expectations-realitIES
(or)
expectation-reality
You’re welcome.
Thanks!
Thank you, Cylon.
I value the Tony Robinson quote as well – replace expectation with appreciation. That’s our ego shouting at both us and the world. And, most of the time, no-one except our ego is that concerned!
There’s a Frank Zappa quote – something to the effect – in a battle between you (the ego) and the world (reality), the world usually wins.
Thank you for permission to celebrate my limitations. I’m only human after all – just like everyone else!
You’re welcome Zarayna. We must constantly be on guard against that good old ego!
Hey Cylon, I agree overwhelm leads to an all mindset. The need to have many options which leads to no accomplishment.
Cheers,
Ann
Absolutely. Celebrating those small wins helps us fight against that tendency.
Another great post, thank you. Adapting by saying ‘no’ to things is something I’ve had to learn the hard way, but it’s a great relief not to say ‘yes’ to everything!
Tiffany, I’ll admit, it’s one of my biggest struggles…but i’m getting better at saying “no” when I need to…and as you say, it’s a great relief to be able to do so!
Cylon, you really made me think about the expectation – reality gap with this superb post. It’s so true, we’re so busy trying to unrealistically cram too much into too little time,space, experience, and sometimes even knowledge. And I love your idea of life being like the seasons, I’ve never thought of it like that and yet so often a phase in life can change as dramatically as a season. Brilliant, thank you for this post.
Thank you Laura 🙂 Seeing life in seasons really helps me take things in stride. Whenever I’m aware of the metaphor, it allows me to remember that “this too shall pass.”
Thanks for this excellent advice, Cylon. My husband and I have been experiencing a lot of our reality changing in ways we did not anticipate for about 18 months now. Yesterday I treated myself to a small bouquet of spirit-lifting orange tulips. The beauty of nature is so healing. I hope it’s okay if I share a favorite poem that soothes my soul:
The Peace of Wild Things
by Wendell Berry
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.
I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
xo
What a beautiful poem Linda. Thank you for sharing this. How beautiful it is that you can give yourself the gift of nature in the midst of overwhelm. May you and your husband find peace in the midst of this unexpected turn.