“You can either practice being right or practice being kind.” ~ Anne Lamott
We like to be right.
We like winning arguments.
But what does that get you? A feeling of moral superiority? An affirming sense of self? A sense of safety?
What if the addiction to being right was your way of avoiding weaknesses and blind spots? Your way of elevating yourself at the expense of another? Your way of not having to listen to another person’s point of view or listening to what they are trying to say to you?
Take a look at the righteous path you are on. Turn around and see the havoc you have created in your wake.
Anger.
Bitterness.
Humiliation.
Guilt.
Shame.
How does that make you feel? Want to try a different path?
Ways to practice being kind when you want to be right
1. Talk less and listen more
Listen to their point of view. Listen to their complaints. Yes, sometimes the complaint may bring up a perceived shortcoming in you. Be strong enough to just listen rather than jumping to defend yourself.
2. Ask questions
One great way to be a good listener is to ask open-ended questions. Ask as many of them as you can before making statements. Ask questions like: What do you mean by that? Tell me more? How did that make you feel? These may be cliché, but they work. You can be more creative in the questions you formulate.
3. Challenge your assumptions
Think about your assumptions in a critical way. Get the opinion of a trusted friend or mentor. They will likely help you see any holes in your theory.
4. Be kind to yourself
Being kind to others starts with being kind to yourself. Give up the need to be right all the time. It’s exhausting. It goes against reality.
You were not created to be right.
You were created to be loved.
Good tips, Cylon. Thank you.
Kindness is a universal language that everything alive understands to at least some extent. Can’t think of many occasions when kindness isn’t useful yet it seems to be in short supply!
Good to be reminded of your last point. Perfectionism has become a curse and it’s silly and harmful. Much better to value kindness and love than being ‘right’ – whatever that means!
Thanks again.
Absolutely Zara! I’ve hard to learn this lesson the hard way: being right + unkindness = wrong
Thank you for the gentle reminder. In looking back, I can see where I have failed to be kind in my need to be right. It’s a sad thing! I can’t change this, but I can pray that any hurt I may have caused others has been forgotten and didn’t do any damage, and pray that I keep your post in mind, moving forward.
You’re welcome Eva. What you said certainly applies to me…that’s why I wrote the post…lol. Let us support each other in our resolve to be kind moving forward. Peace 🙂