“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.” ~ Frederick Douglass
“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
Do you feel like your life is mediocre?
Maybe you’re a bit confused about why you feel that way.
You’ve got the six-figure job, 2.5 model kids, a 3500 square foot house with a two car garage, a summer home, great school district, exotic vacations, social acceptance and esteem.
On paper you have everything society told you would make you feel whole. You’re doing better than 90% of people on the entire planet but somehow you still feel like a loser. So you buy a bigger house, trade in the cars for more luxurious ones, upgrade to the latest computers and smartphones, work longer hours to gain a competitive edge for that promotion.
But you soon realize that having more doesn’t make you feel better about yourself. You feel completely lost because you don’t even like the job you fought so hard for and the fancy cars are draining your bank account.
A winner-takes-all world
Look, it’s totally understandable why some people do all they can to not be average. Average is where mediocrity lives and who wants to be mediocre? Besides, there are many advantages afforded to those who can make it into the elite class of people in our society.
We may say things like, “What matters is that you be the best you can be,” but in our more honest moments what we really want is to be the best. We idealize the former, but human nature being what it is, we crave the latter.
In a winner takes all world, being second best just doesn’t cut it anymore. The average person knows who Usain Bolt is but probably cannot identify another track and field sprinter by name. In the minds of many, an elite performer like Bolt isn’t just number one, he’s the only one.
And all it takes to reap outsized rewards is to be just a little bit better than the rest of the competition. James Clear defines the Winner-Takes-All phenomenon as:
“Situations in which small differences in performance lead to outsized rewards.”
It’s what he refers to as the 1% rule. Perform 1% better than the competition, and you get all the glory, even immortality. It’s why some athletes are willing to risk it all by cheating. It’s why some businesses cut corners to increase profit margins. It’s why some coworkers sabotage one another rather than work together. The risk versus reward is almost irresistible.
So if you’re feeling pressured to live in the right neighborhood, send your kids to the right schools, or compete ruthlessly, you understand the power of the 1% rule. The question is, are you willing to compromise your own integrity to gain the advantage?
Complexity and prestige
There’s no better way to size a person up than to find out what they do for a living. I’m a hospice chaplain. I spend my time with the dying and their families. I’m not a neuroscientist, doctor, or engineer.
People with prestigious or interesting careers can easily garner and hold the attention of strangers at a cocktail party. Hospice chaplains? Not so much. The response I often get goes something like, “Oh.” or “That must be depressing.” The conversation usually fizzles out at that point.
I love being a hospice chaplain. I feel very confident in my abilities to do my job well and it brings me a high degree of fulfillment, even joy. But every now and again after an awkward exchange with a person who has more social prestige, I wonder to myself, “Why couldn’t I have been a chemical engineer or computer scientist as I’d initially planned?”
Compared to the complexity of the work of a doctor or engineer, a hospice chaplain’s work seems laughably simple.
Sometimes I wonder, “Did I end up not doing prestigious work because I’m average or mediocre?”
No.
There’s not much money or prestige that comes with the position of hospice chaplain, but so far it’s the work that aligns most with who I am as a person. It’s allowed me to live with greater integrity.
The integrity problem
Think about it, when you’re not living in integrity, when you’re doing the “right” things for the wrong reasons, do you succeed? Are you at your very best? Are you the best? Maybe for a while. But sooner or later the integrity problem will catch up with you. You’ll find yourself asking things like “Who am I?” or “What’s it all for?”
You won’t perform at your best. You’ll be miserable. You’ll be mediocre.
Have the courage to live with integrity
Here’s the point. If you’re resisting making a move because you’re afraid of being seen as mediocre, consider that staying where you are is costing you much more than your ego is letting on.
Quit the miserable job.
Downsize the house.
Sell the car.
Do what your heart has always desired even if your mind says “but what would they think of me.”
Because mediocrity is nothing more than an integrity problem. If you live with integrity, you’ll never have to worry about being mediocre.
Love this thank you! Recently quit my job and am making other changes to really embrace more of who I am authentically at the core of my being. Sometimes the changes feel painful but freeing. Grateful.
Yay! That’s awesome Heather. Totally agree on the “changes feel painful but freeing.” Certainly been my experience and continues to be.