When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~ Donald Miller
Relationships are hard.
Community is messy.
Whether it’s within our own families, schools, places of worship, work, or clubs, we understand these truths through our life experiences.
The result is that many of us shy away from community. This is especially true of church communities. We shelter ourselves from the messiness that communities can bring: hypocrisy, arguments, hurt feelings, authority, exposure to ways of thinking that challenge us.
Our individualistic culture makes it very easy for us to withdraw. All you need is a mobile device and your favorite pair of expensive headphones to create a virtual reality that is consonant with your views.
We can also be easily fooled into believing that relationships don’t matter. We might say:
“I can get along on my own.”
“I don’t need anyone’s help or advice.”
“I don’t need to be accountable to anyone. I make my own rules.”
Take a minute now to reflect on the most important relationships in your life. See how we get on one another’s nerves over large and small matters (mostly small if we are being honest with ourselves). How we stop talking to each other for years over trivial stuff. How we can carry around negative emotions for so long that we forget why we feel the way we do.
Now try to take a longer view. Where does this matter fit into the larger scheme of things? Is it worth it to hold grudges? Is it worth it to withdraw from community because of the occasional bad encounter?
Keeping the long view in mind will help us overcome the temptation to withdraw. If you do withdraw, don’t beat yourself up or feel like you have to stay isolated. Sometimes we do need a little space when life throws us emotional punches. But do come back. Try again. Start anew. Don’t worry if you are starting again for the umpteenth time. You will eventually come back with a deeper understanding of love. You will understand that love does not wait for a person or community to be perfect. It just loves.
We were not created to trap ourselves in perfect, isolated worlds. We were created to love, and be loved, unconditionally. 
Cylon, You hit the nail right on the head… community is messy! The biggest problem with community is that it is filled with PEOPLE! 🙂 When people are involved, you can count on being exposed to hypocrisy, arguments, hurt feelings, and exposure to challenges that are uncomfortable. Funny thing is… when you point an accusatory finger at another, there are three fingers that point at yourself. Many of us (myself included) are often blind to our own hypocrisies and argumentativeness. We just don’t see it! On the other hand, in many ways, I tend to be naive when it comes to, say, Church communities. I’m all innocent going in and then I find out that the people involved are NOT saints! I sometimes get to the point of shying away from joining in because I’d rather be oblivious! Thank you for encouraging me to not give up, not give in, and to look at myself and my role in the communities I’m involved with, and strive to see past my own “saintliness!” HA!!
Eva, so well said! I know we’ve grown so wary of our institutions because of hypocrisy and the lost trust that goes with it. As you said, it’s so easy to point fingers to others and not really examine our own shortcomings. I find that when I can summon the courage to do that, I can engage with my flawed communities with much more compassion and patience…understanding that are all beautifully flawed. As one of my favorite saying goes “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”