“I have never agreed with my other self wholly. The truth of the matter seems to lie between us.” ~ Khalil Gibran
Rich or poor.
Democrat or Republican.
Good or evil.
These are the categories by which we order our world.
And with order comes a sense of security, safety, identity, and belonging. It’s how we differentiate ourselves from those who are not like us.
We desperately desire to live in an OR world. We wish to conform to the values and ideals we deem right, noble and true.
And yet, we experience a persistent gap that keeps us falling short, sometimes far short, of our ideals.
It’s like the dark matter of our lives. The unseen, unknown parts of ourselves that influence almost everything we do.
We judge ourselves harshly in private while judging others harshly in public. We compare ourselves to others who appear to have more or less dark matter.
We work tirelessly to maintain our physical, emotional, spiritual, and moral edge over others.
It’s exhausting.
A world of contradictions
This is what it’s like to live in the OR world.
Full of judging, pretending, and quiet desperation.
What if we started telling the truth? That we live in an AND world rather than an OR world. It’s a world full of contradictions and paradoxes. It’s topsy-turvy. It’s disorienting. Because you and I are both:
Perfect and flawed.
Good and evil.
Peaceful and violent.
Courageous and cowardly.
Open-minded and narrow-minded.
Calm and restless.
Happy and miserable.
Generous and selfish.
Controlled and impulsive.
Pure and toxic.
Hero and villain.
Consistent and contradictory.
Simple and complex.
Independent and vulnerable.
Enlightened and clueless.
What it means to be human
It’s funny how we define people either by their greatest strengths or their greatest weaknesses. It’s easier to do. It makes sense.
But it’s why we’re shaken to our core when our heroes disappoint us. It’s why we’re liable to turn a blind eye toward our enemy’s more noble qualities.
Denial. This too is a part of what it means to be human.
If we dared to live in the AND world might we judge each other less?
Might we be more generous when interpreting the behaviors and motives of others?
Might we learn to love and appreciate people more for who they are rather than who we wish them to be?
Thank you for your usual thoughtful post.
I hope that most of us, as we mature i.e. experience the knocks and rewards of life, realise that there are more subtle nuances than the little boxes we put ourselves and others in when we first try to understand the world.
Again, I claim one of the compensations of growing old – we might be tetchy but, that’s cos of arthritis. In reality most of us have learned to laugh at ourselves which is better than being judgemental.
Thanks and a good week.
Thank you for these thoughts. I think you’re right…our ability to mature, to grow in self-knowledge, allows us to enjoy our lives and not take ourselves too seriously!