“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”
Anonymous
I almost bought a car I didn’t need.
It all started innocently with me taking my old beater to the dealership due to a recall.
Despite the age of the car, and the recall problem (which turned out to not be a problem after all), it runs perfectly. It does everything I imagined it would do. It gets me from point A to B cheaply and reliably.
But I like nice cars. I like comfortable cars. I like powerful cars.
My car is none of these.
When I’m on the road, most people seem to have nicer, more powerful cars than me. I’m frequently tailgated because of how little acceleration this car has.
That really gets me.
At the dealership, salespeople are embedded in the service area, ready to pounce on any unsuspecting car owner secretly yearning for something new.
One of them caught me in their sights and made their move. After a swift and skillful approach, I was ushered to the sales area where I was presented with a number of financing options. I didn’t know what hit me.
I’m thinking to myself, “What am I doing here? WE don’t finance cars.” My wife and I decided this years ago.
But I was already in too deep. I told the salesperson I needed to talk to my wife waiting outside to pick me up. She said, “Sure.”
She said no.
I was embarrassed but also relieved.
I was cured momentarily of my endless wanting.
I realized how close I was to losing the thing I already had. I wanted my old car again. And I was glad.
Epilogue: The upgrade fallacy
What stories are you telling yourself to justify constantly upgrading?
“The kids are cramped and need a bigger house to run around in.”
“I drive a lot for work and need something more reliable” (read luxurious).
“My technology is too slow and I need the latest and greatest…to write emails, take thousands of stunning pictures I’ll never use, and surf around on social media.”
“My partner no longer excites me so I need to find someone new.”
If you’ve upgraded a few times, you already know stories like these are all fallacies. Bigger is never big enough. More powerful is never powerful enough. More exciting is never exciting enough.
When you drop the silly stories, all you’re left with is, “I want it because I want it.”
Sometimes that’ll do (minus the cognitive load of mind games and self-deception). Other times the mere thought of wanting for wanting sake will stop you dead in your tracks.
Want to get out of upgrade hell? Want what you already have. Do whatever is necessary to accomplish this. Paint the house. Detail the car. Get a new phone case. Spend time with your partner in a brand new setting.
Instead of trying to upgrade everything around you, upgrade yourself. Upgrade your thinking. Upgrade your mind. Upgrade your heart. Upgrade your soul.
Relentless upgrading will not lead to the peace you desire. You already have all that you desire.
Internalize this and you’ll be the happiest (and least harmful) person on earth.
I love this post! And, I love your wife. She is a strong woman and definitely perfect for you! I especially like your “cure” for not upgrading. It’s something I’ll add to my toolbox. Right now, my way of getting out of wanting something more or different is to remember that it won’t be long (whether that’s days or years) before I won’t want it. So, before purchasing I always ask myself, “how will I get rid of this if I buy it? Will it be serviceable for giving away or will I be contributing to the overflowing landfills? What is the real purpose for wasting this money because my eyes are drawn to the bling, beauty, or desire to have? What is the better use for the money?” If I answer these questions honestly, I usually can prevent the purchase. Now, I have a new tool: “beautify” what I already have. Though… I do still want a different bathroom! It’s too small and I scrape my head on the shower curtain everytime I sit down. Guess I could move the shower curtain to the other side of the tub!
Haha, the beautify strategy does have its limits…sometimes you just need a new bathroom! Thank you for this thoughtful comment, beautifully shared. Yes, luck to have my wife!
If only I had read this or seen this sooner! Thank you for pointing it out Kathy. I recently did not get away and bought a new car, which I have regretted since shortly after I bought it, when I came to my senses and realized what was I thinking!! I fell for the sales pitch! I am trying to correct my mistake now. In fact I liked my old car better than this new one. In the future I will think more about beautifying what I already have! Thanks for sharing Cylon!
Reminds me of the saying: ‘Tis better to want and not have, than to have and not want.
I always have to think about that a few times when I read it.
Definitely thought-provoking! Thanks for sharing.
Wonderful post! I always enjoy reading your own life experiences because most of the time, I can identify with them. One of my sons has studied ecology, I have therefore become extremely aware of all the waste and the damage us humans do to our planet. It has become a habit before buying anything to ask myself, “Do I really need this?”
Thanks Joelle…your approach is very similar to Eva’s and I think these are questions we should all ask ourselves when contemplating purchases large and small. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks, Cylon.
Lovely relateable post – so glad your trance was broken and you could make a get-away!
The most awful thing for me is when my greedy little mind starts justifying my totally unnecessary longings. I hope I’m learning to laugh at myself.
I’m sure glad I could make the getaway too! lol.
Excellent thought-provoking words, Cylon! I love how open and honest you are because, if we truly examine ourselves, there is probably something in this post that resonates with each person who reads it. I love the thought of beautifying what we already own! Thank you.
You’re welcome, Kathy 🙂
Good evening Mr. George: You have such a powerful way with words. My husband and I are the founders of Therapy For Black Men. At TherapyforBlackMen.org, we want to break the stigma that asking for help is a sign of weakness. We would like to invite you to write a few blogs to address our Black men for a fee. We welcome your thoughts.