The Path to True Freedom

“Freedom is not the absence of commitment, and to be committed to something or to someone does not mean the loss of freedom” ~ C. Joybell C.

We love our freedom.

Our whole way of life is built on this powerful idea. 

We love doing what we want, going wherever we want, and saying whatever we want.

We buy what we want (often with money we don’t have). We don’t like people telling us what to do (even when it’s clearly the better option for us). And we sure don’t like limitations of any kind.

We’re sold on the vision that we can have a life of total freedom.

We also like having experiences

We want to have deep and fulfilling relationships. We want to experience success at work and at home. And nowadays, we prefer to spend our money on experiences (such as travel or fine dining) rather than things.

Here’s the rub. There’s a tension between our desire for limitlessness and our desire for meaningful experiences. 

This is where FOMO or the “fear of missing out” comes from. Thanks to the rise of technology engineered for our endless entertainment, we tweet while watching TV with friends. We switch rapidly between the fifty tabs open on our browser. And most dangerous of all, we text while we’re driving. 

There’s so much to do and experience that we try to do it all for fear of missing out on something better.

We go about our lives perpetually keeping our options open rather than choosing and committing to a path. 

Even if it’s a tad stressful and anxiety inducing to multitask, the alternative is less exciting and more demanding.

The problem (besides the stress and anxiety) is that the quality of our experiences diminish in our search for freedom from limitations.

Life on an iPhone screen

This truth struck me one day during my daughter’s dance class. She was on a competition team and was working hard for an upcoming competition. 

Near the end of the class, the parents were called to see what the children had been working on. Once the routine started, all the parents pulled out their phones to capture the moment.

I did the same. Then it dawned on me. Here I am watching my daughter dance through the screen on my phone rather than looking directly at her. 

Then I thought to myself, “Will I ever come back to this video?” If my past behavior is any indication, probably not. In fact, I have scores of videos of my daughter dancing that I’ve not re-watched.

I just had to capture that video just in case. I, at least, needed to text it to my wife. Oh and while I’m doing that, I could check my email and Instagram too. 

I love the freedom technology gives me to share my experiences with anyone on the planet, something I couldn’t do just a few years ago.

But I also realized that I value meaningful experiences more. I had to make a choice…

Limitation is good

In a world full of options and opportunity, keeping all your options open would seem to be the wise move.

However, the more things, activities, and people we engage on a shallow level, the less we experience. It’s why we wake up one day wondering where our lives went, regretting that we didn’t spend more quality time with the people we love and on the things we love doing.

This is why we need limits. It’s why we need to redefine what it means to be free.

But first, consider this idea:

Limitation = experience.

Freedom is not limitlessness because this idea is meaningless. Instead, freedom is the ability to choose our limitations so we can experience the things we want.

So for example, if you’re playing a game of football with some friends, but throw out the rules of the game in favor of each person’s own rules, the game would quickly devolve into chaos.

Freedom based on limitlessness is false freedom. True freedom requires limitation. True freedom requires commitment.

Every high performer knows that false freedom is the enemy of success. If you want a successful marriage, you must commit yourself to one partner. 

If you want to be a good parent, you must choose to forgo certain preferences in order to spend quality time with your child.

And if you want to be a star athlete, you must choose to give up lots of good options and commit to training your body and mind.

What do you want to experience?

When we focus on false freedom instead of on what we want to experience, we’re in danger of living a life that is directionless and meaningless. 

If you’d prefer to experience a meaningful life instead of a chaotic one, consider these tips:

1. Get a grip on your FOMO

A person gripped by FOMO is like a driver who’s always looking in the rear-view mirror and out the sides of the car instead of what’s directly in front of them.

If you’re always focused on what you’re missing out on instead of what you’re experiencing right now, you won’t be able to get in touch with what you truly want. You won’t know where to steer your life to get to where you want to go.

Stop second-guessing your experiences and start living them.

2. Choose your limitations 

The fact that I am a human being is a limitation in itself.

I cannot be in two places at once. I can only do one thing at a time, despite the claim that we can multitask (even computers can’t multitask but switch rapidly from one task to the next, creating the illusion of multitasking).

Sometimes we fantasize about being limitless when we’re having experiences we don’t enjoy.

Instead, ask yourself this question:

What do I want to experience now?

Then decide what limitations you’re willing to accept to get there. 

For instance, in your drive to be more productive at work, you stay up all hours of the night to get ahead. But you feel awful. 

If you wish to feel better and have more energy to do your work, then you need to subject yourself to the limitation of sleep.

When you learn to trust the wisdom and limitations of your own body, your productivity will soar.

3. Learn to focus your mind

In the age of mass distraction, it takes massive effort to resist the urge to go down a thousand rabbit holes.

Our minds are so distracted that we’re quickly becoming less able to not only choose the experiences we want, but to stay focused long enough to realize them.

Struggling to hold a vision you have for yourself through to completion? Developing a mindfulness practice will help you hone your ability to stay focused on what you want.

True freedom

Are you hypnotized by the false promise of having it all?

To live a happy, healthy, and meaningful life, you don’t need to have it all.

Because true freedom is not about limitlessness. It’s about embracing your limitations so you can finally live the life you truly want.

Here’s to your freedom.

Editorial note: The limitation=experience idea was inspired by the work of Brian D. Ridgway. Download his book, Break Your Self-Help Addiction, for free here.