You Can’t Hate Someone Whose Story You Know: A Post-Election Reflection

“It’s not differences that divide us. It’s our judgments about each other that do.” ~ Margaret J. Wheatley

Interesting night, wasn’t it?

The U.S. election is finally over and a winner has been declared.

And for many, including myself, Election Night unfolded in a very different way than expected with the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States.

As the result rolled in and it became apparent that Trump had a clear path to victory, I asked my wife for her thoughts. She said this to me, “We don’t know each other.”

This captures the essence of an election campaign that is widely considered as one of the most divisive in recent memory.

Many have expressed shock at the results given the tone of Trump’s campaign over the many months leading up to this election.

But those who felt forgotten and left behind in this current economy feel that their voices have finally been heard.

Getting to know each other

Fear. Anger. Anxiety. Worry. Uncertainty. Mistrust.

These are feelings and emotions many have experienced during this election season.

But we need not succumb to fear.

Like the fear I experienced when my family and I decided to take a road trip across the United States over the summer. We were driving through the parts of America known as the flyover states.

As a black man living in America, I held preconceived notions about the people I would encounter and how I might be treated by them. I feared I might be pulled over by the police for no good reason. I thought I would run into more than a few outwardly racist people.

Any of these things could have happened to me on my journey, but they never did. Instead, I was greeted by kind and refreshingly down-to-earth people. We had many great encounters and conversations with people who soon felt like long-time friends rather than intimidating strangers.

For instance, we befriended a couple from Iowa who lead very different lives from us. The first day we met, we talked and swapped stories well into the night.

In those moments, I realized that we shared more in common than previously thought and that learning about our differences mutually enriched us.

These experiences gave me a new vision of how we can begin to heal the deep divides that exist between us.

Listening to stories

How might this vision be achieved?

By talking to each other rather than talking past each other (or not talking to each other at all). How can we do this in such a fragmented and divided culture?

In the days following 9/11, writer Margaret J. Wheatley shared a moving reflection that speaks powerfully to our current circumstances. Here’s an extended excerpt of her post:

“Listening moves us closer, it helps us become more whole, more healthy, more holy. Not listening creates fragmentation, and fragmentation is the root of all suffering. [Referring to Apartheid] Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes this era as a time of ‘radical brokenness’ in all our relationships. Anywhere we look in the global family we see disconnection and fear of one another… 

It is impossible to create a healthy culture if we refuse to meet, and if we refuse to listen. But if we meet, and when we listen, we reweave the world into wholeness. And holiness…

“I love the biblical passage: ‘Whenever two or more are gathered, I am there.’ It describes for me the holiness of moments of real listening. The health, wholeness, holiness of a new relationship forming. I have a T-shirt from one conference that reads: ‘You can’t hate someone whose story you know.’ You don’t have to like the story, or even the person telling you their story. But listening creates a relationship. We move closer to one another.”

It’s time for us to move closer to one another. It’s time for us to get to know each other. It’s time for us to seek out people we don’t naturally gravitate toward.

Because you can’t hate someone whose story you know.