I remember learning about the difference between sympathy and empathy in high school. Sympathy involved expressing sorrow or concern for another without necessarily identifying with the person’s difficulty. Empathy went deeper by not only expressing concern, but putting oneself in a place where they could feel with the other is feeling.
A quick tip is use to keep them straight is this:
Sympathy is feeling for someone
Empathy is feeling with someone
Many of us are able to express sympathy readily. Empathy is much harder. It’s funny though that, like most of the really important things in life, we are rarely taught how to practice empathy.
Why is empathy so important?
Empathy allows you to put yourself in another person’s situation in order to feel what that person feels, to understand why they feel the way they do, and to gain some perspective on behaviors that follow. It allows us to be more compassionate and creates the possibility for deepened relationships.
Another amazing thing about empathy is that it facilitates forgiveness. When you are willing to enter the world of someone you do not get along with, amazing things can happen. I believe empathy is the path to following one of the most challenging commands in all of religion and spirituality: Love your enemies.
Some tips on how to practice empathy:
Listen, truly listen. Quiet your mind and heart to receive what the person is saying to you either verbally or through body language. Try to visualize the world being described to you and reflect on how you would feel or act if you were in that place.
Role-play. I remember as an R.A. in college, we did numerous role-playing sessions on how we would deal with difficult situations with peers in our charge. They were often powerful and eye opening. Recently, I discovered another role-playing technique that is potentially more powerful and gets to the heart what it means to practice empathy. That is role-playing with yourself playing each person. This can be beneficial in dealing with negative feelings you may have toward someone. Try this:
Set up two chairs opposite each other. Sit in one and start talking to the person as if they were sitting in front of you. Switch places and speak to yourself from the other person’s point of view. Continue the conversation back and forth this way.
This can be a powerful way to come to peace with someone with whom, for whatever the reason, you are unable to meet with face to face. It can also be a way to gain strength to start a difficult conversation with someone.
Play devil’s advocate. Make it a regular practice to examine another’s point of view, even when you know that it is unlikely to change your own point of view. What it might do however is allow you to change your perception of that person and be more compassionate toward them.
Detach and let go. Empathy is difficult because of the emotional investment it requires. It can help to approach the experience with a sense of detachment. Learn to let go quickly once the encounter is over. This is easier said than done but it is possible with practice.
I hope these practical steps put some flesh on a principle that often considered in the abstract. I hope you (and I) start practicing empathy today.