“Do not worry about being rejected and alone. It is the real you that everyone falls in love with–and that God adores” ~ Neale Donald Walsch.
There is almost no end to the ways we can feel rejected:
- You didn’t get called back for the job interview.
- You were not acknowledged at a social gathering.
- Your best friend stopped calling you.
- You were dumped.
- You’re not receiving appreciation for your outstanding work.
- You didn’t get any “likes” or shares on social media.
We all know what it feels like to be rejected. We know the searing pain of this unavoidable human experience. In doing a little research, I learned that we process emotional rejection and physical pain in the same part of our brains. The difference? It’s easier to let go of the experience of physical pain than it is to let go of emotional hurt. Many of us carry around these emotional hurts, unaware of how they are affecting our lives today. One wrong word or move can vividly take us right back to something that happened decades ago.
But have you ever considered that you have rejected others?
Don’t remember? Take a minute to stop and think back to how were the “cause” of someone’s emotional pain. Think back to the reasons why you may have rejected someone. Here are some possible options:
- You may have had a very good reason for it.
- You may have been going through some personal struggle and lashed out.
- Maybe you were simply not aware.
What does the awareness of this do for you? Does it give you more compassion for yourself when you are rejected? Does it help you understand and even forgive your rejecter?
One of the best ways to overcome rejection is to understand that your rejecter is a human being just like you. Understand that you are more similar than you might think.
So let go of your self-loathing, your anger and bitterness, your unforgiveness. Let go of the hurt and become vulnerable again. Wouldn’t you want your rejectee to do the same for themselves?
Cylon,
What a wonderful post! Short, to the point with great food for thought and self reflection. Well done.
Thanks Kim 🙂
Thank you for this, Cylon.
Yes, rejection is painful – we invest so much ego in what we do and who we are. Being honest, I think that fear of being rejected stops us from moving forward, trying anything new or even meeting new people.
Therefore, your advice to remember and contemplate the times we have rejected others is a most excellent restorative – empathetic, grounding and, on occasion, humorous!
Thank you!
You’re welcome Zara. You’ve so wonderfully summarized my thoughts. Yes, most definitely humorous…we’re so afraid of rejection, yet we often don’t give a single thought to how we reject others regularly.
So often, what we feel as rejection is others innocently ‘getting on with life’ I’ve found in talking to so many people who have struggled with feeling rejected. Sure we want to get on with everyone, to be liked, to be loved but life goes on for everyone we meet. it doesn’t stop because we stepped into the room. I met a wonderful lady who moved to the UK from the Philippines. She gave her ten year old son the best advice I’ve ever heard for making friends without being feeling rejected if it isn’t reciprocated: “You are the new kid, you’re the one looking for friends, go out and be yourself and understand that they already have friends. Some of them will stick to you, some won’t notice you. You will still be you.”
Wow, what great advice….surely a gift given to her son. It’s a perspective that would serve us all well. Thank you sharing, Laura 🙂
Rejection always goes to the core of my self esteem. What did I do? What could I have done better? Why did I do this? Will I do it again? The pattern here is I am blaming myself. Certainly there are occasions when I can, but the majority of the time, I look at my Core Values (posted on my wall next to my desk) and then I realize that I can get beyond any rejection, because the person who rejected me doesn’t share them or has their own idea of them.