27 Ways to Grow Your Resilience

“Suffering points up an area in you where you have not yet grown, where you need to grow and be transformed and change.”

Anthony De Mello

Did you hear that?

It’s the sound of cracks developing in your armor as you absorb life’s curveballs. And when they come, it’s often in rapid succession.

Life has a way of testing and challenging us when we least expect it:

Your car broke down again and you’re wondering where the money will come from to fix it.

Your boss is being a jerk and is making your life miserable, but you really need the job.

You’ve suffered a major setback to achieving a professional or personal goal.

A close friend or family member has betrayed you and you feel all alone in the world.

We desire control over every aspect of our lives, even though we know it’s impossible. We try to strengthen our armor, but it’s still not impervious to outside pressure.

You’re afraid you won’t survive the next curveball that comes in.

But you are stronger than you think. Here are some tips to help you become more resilient so that you can grow and thrive under pressure:

1. Strengthen your core

In order to be physically fit, you must have a strong core. The muscles of your abdomen, pelvis, lower back, and hips, all work in harmony to keep you balanced and stable.

Similarly our spiritual core, the beliefs, values, and principles that inform our thoughts and actions, keep us emotionally and spiritually balanced. The spiritual core functions like a kind of anchor or homing device when things start to go awry.

How do you develop your spiritual core? Write a personal mission statement that describes who you are and the principles that will guide your life, no matter what comes your way.

2. Breathe deeply

We’re scarcely aware of the power of our own breath.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, just breathe. When you’re feeling upset or angry, just breathe. When you feel like you’re about to crumble under the pressure of life, just breathe.

You’ll feel strength return to your mind, body, and spirit.

3. Find the lesson

Napoleon Hill once said:

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

Treat your hardship as an opportunity to learn important lessons that can help you take your life to the next level. A setback might be an opportunity to clarify your goals, values, and dreams. A health scare can motivate you to focus on the few things that truly matter. A job loss may be a chance to do something you’ve always wanted.

4. Express gratitude

Expressing gratitude in the face of hardship is a powerful declaration that you will not be controlled by external events.

It will help you stay positive and help you realize that you have more resources than you think.

5. Push yourself physically

Exercise not only strengthens us physically, but also mentally and emotionally. When you push yourself beyond your physical pain, your spiritual self absorbs the lesson that you can also endure and overcome emotional pain.

Even a few minutes of moderate exercise a day will begin making a difference.

6. Allow yourself to fail

Most of us are so afraid of failure and rejection that we’ll do almost anything to avoid it. But resilient people are not afraid to fail – and fail often in order to achieve their goals and dreams.

Some people even put themselves in situations where the likelihood of failure is high.

But you don’t need to be this extreme to master failure. All you need is a willingness to consistently welcome failure as part of the growth process.

7. Notice the little things

When we’re caught up in our own pain, we lose our sense of reality. We lose our sense of all the good things around us that keep us connected and grounded.

Take time to notice the beauty of the day, the smiles of strangers, or the feel of your favorite shirt on your skin.

Noticing little blessings will help you avoid self-pity and self-loathing.

8. Be creative

Treat every setback as an opportunity to find solutions that will make life better for yourself and others.

When faced with difficulty or disappointment, keep a pen and writing pad handy to write down ideas and potential solutions. Approach your problems with a sense of curiosity.

9. Sleep

During tough times, you’ll need all your cylinders to be firing to help you bounce back. Staying up late to worry about your predicament will do you no good.

Sometimes, all you need is a good night sleep to recharge your batteries. It will give you renewed optimism and vitality to face the next day. You may even wake up with a solution to your problem.

10. Journal your experiences

Write about your difficult experiences. Resist the urge to edit and censor yourself. Write freely about your thoughts and feelings over a period of a few days or weeks.

Read the entries a few months later. Notice and acknowledge the ways you’ve grown.

11. Focus on your circle of influence

Within what Steven Covey calls our “Circle of Concern,” we tend to focus on things we cannot control.

But resilient people focus their energy on their “Circle of Influence.” For instance, you cannot control your mean boss but you can control your own attitude toward your boss.

As you focus your efforts on your “Circle of Influence” it will grow. In time, either your mean boss will come around or you’ll attract a new boss.

Or, you’ll become your own boss.

12. Surround yourself with positivity

What are you listening to when you drive to work? How does it make you feel? Are you closest friends people who constantly complain and whine about how tough their life is?

Jim Rohn said:

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Want to be more resilient? Spend more time with positive people. Read uplifting books. Listen to music that will brighten your mood.

13. Be willing to surrender

When life veers off the path you set, it’s natural to panic or be afraid. But think back to the chance encounters and unexpected events that changed the course of your life for the better.

Draw inspiration from people who transformed challenges into a calling or passion.

14. Talk to a friend

We cannot go through life alone. Still, we resist sharing our challenges with our friends for fear of burdening them or appearing weak and vulnerable.

This may be true for situational friends and acquaintances but not the 2 or 3 people you consider your closest friends. Don’t hesitate to call them when you need a sympathetic ear. They know you’ll do the same for them.

15. Stop playing the victim

Playing the victim weakens our ability to be resilient.

Resist falling for the belief that the world is against you. Even when you’re feeling victimized, you can choose to be a survivor.

16. Pray

Prayer facilitates trust beyond one’s own abilities and strengths. Trusting in the goodness of a higher power can strengthen your hope.

When you’re down and out, pray if you’re inclined to do so.

17. Be a meaning maker

Henry David Thoreau said:

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

Contrary to popular belief, our experiences don’t come pre-loaded with meaning. We supply the meaning to our experiences.

Does the recent break-up with your significant other mean the end of your relationship career or is it an opportunity to find “the one”? Only you can decide.

18. Show emotion

While mental toughness can be an asset in your quest to become more resilient, it’s not enough. People who emphasize toughness often build walls that prevent them from connecting with others. They’re also at greater risk of developing dangerous levels of pent-up feelings.

Find healthy ways to express your sadness, fears, and frustrations.

19. Laugh at yourself

Laugh when you’re angry. Laugh when you’re sad. Laugh when you’re frustrated.

Because it’s hard to feel like a victim when you’re laughing.

20. Get help

Hire a life coach or counselor. Seek the advice from your pastor or someone you admire.

Sharing your struggles and challenges with a trained professional benefit you in two ways:

1. It gives you an opportunity to release negative emotions by speaking your concerns aloud
2. You’ll receive valuable feedback and tips that will benefit you beyond your current crisis.

21. Meditate

When we dealing with difficulties in life, our suffering come from the fact that we identify ourselves with our emotions and feelings.

Meditation allows you to detach yourself from your emotions so that you become an observer. Rather than being helplessly carried away by your emotions, you’ll learn to simply observe them as they pass through you. Rather than clinging to your feelings, you’ll learn to let them go.

22. Take care of yourself

Eat when you’re hungry. Take a walk when you need to clear your head. Spend an extra five minutes in the car when you pull into your driveway to decompress.

If you’re feeling overextended, say “no” to new commitments and, if you can, gracefully bow out of low-priority commitments.

23. Focus on helping others

Sir John Templeton said:

Self-improvement comes mainly from trying to help others.

Volunteer your time and talents. Give money to worthy causes. Help a friend through their own challenges.

Not only will you become more resilient, you’ll be happier in general.

24. Practice forgiveness

The art of forgiving and letting go is crucial to becoming more resilient. While resilience allows you to move on and recover from painful experiences, un-forgiveness keeps you stuck in the negativity of the past.

Forgiveness is not about excusing the wrong. It’s about releasing the pain rather than clinging to it. It’s about transforming negativity and hatred into love and compassion.

You must be willing to forgive everyone who has caused you pain, including yourself, in order to be free.

25. Watch your self-talk

Self-talk that shames or blames will hold you back in you quest to overcome setbacks. Self-talk that excuses will give you permission to avoid the valuable lessons that difficult circumstances can bring.

Instead, affirm yourself and your gifts. Don’t let your positive affirmations waver, even when you’re under pressure or when you don’t feel like your worthy of self-affirmation.

26. Be courageous

Brené Brown says

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.

It means getting up every time we’re knocked down in the arena of life and trying again. It may seem like you’re not making any progress. But every time you decide to get back up, you’ll become stronger.

27. Keep things in perspective

During the tough times, it’s easy to think that things will be difficult forever. But resilient people know that nothing endures.

Instead of focusing on today’s famine, prepare for tomorrow’s feast.

Armor for the Soul

Resilience is like armor for the soul. But unlike battle armor that is rigid, this armor is malleable, flexible, and adaptable.

It may not be able to withstand all the curveballs life brings, but it will allow you to heal quickly. And you’ll actually be better for difficult experiences.

So stop sitting on the sidelines of life. Armor up, show up in the arena of life, and play to win.