Social Fitness: The Key to a Fulfilling Life

“Tell your people you love them. Life is so fragile.”

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In a time when our lives can easily be dominated by the pursuit of health, wealth, and autonomy, we often miss out on one of the most important determinants of long-term happiness: social fitness.

Social fitness refers to the strength and quality of our relationships and social interactions, and it’s just as crucial to our overall health and well-being as physical fitness. And it’s more important than achieving wealth and success.

What 85 years of research can teach us about happiness

For over 85 years, Harvard University has been conducting a study on happiness, following the lives of a group of individuals from childhood to old age. 

The Harvard Study of Adult Development was started in 1938 by psychologist George Vaillant and initially followed the lives of 268 men from their college years to their death. Participants were given comprehensive physical exams and questionnaires, and their responses were analyzed to determine the factors contributing to their overall happiness and well-being.

One of the key findings from the study is that relationships is the most important factor in determining happiness. Participants who had strong, supportive relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners were more likely to experience happiness and less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.

Loneliness kills 

While we have grown physically healthier and wealthier as a society, our social fitness score is lagging due to the prevalence of loneliness and social isolation. The Harvard study not only revealed the importance of social connection, but the detrimental effects of isolation.

It demonstrated that loneliness can lead to a decline in cognitive function and memory capacity. It can also increase the risk of developing anxiety and depression, which can have devastating effects on one’s overall quality of life.

Robert Waldinger, the director of the program, puts it this way:

Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.

Robert Waldinger

That’s why we need to take steps to prevent and manage feelings of loneliness, such as developing and maintaining strong relationships with friends and family, engaging in physical activity, and seeking support from a mental health professional if necessary.

Building quality relationships 

One of the most critical aspects of social fitness is having strong, quality relationships with those closest to us. While it may seem tempting to have a large social circle, research has shown that the quality of our close relationships is much more important than quantity.

A recent article by Waldinger and Marc Schulz stated:

“Social fitness requires taking stock of our relationships, and being honest with ourselves about where we’re devoting our time and whether we are tending to the connections that help us thrive.”

Marc Schulz and Robert Waldinger

So, how can we begin “taking stock” of our relationships? Here are some simple and effective strategies:

1. Nurture positivity: Surround yourself with individuals who exude positivity and bring joy to your life. Invest time and energy in building and sustaining the relationships that matter most to you. By creating a support network of positive, uplifting people, you can significantly enhance your social wellness and boost your happiness levels.
2. Embrace empathy and active listening: A crucial aspect of social fitness is the capacity to comprehend and empathize with others. Demonstrating kindness, empathy, compassion, and actively listening can fortify relationships and promote effective communication. By actively listening and displaying empathy, we can build trust, establish intimacy, and foster strong bonds.
3. Embrace new relationships and social experiences: Stepping outside your comfort zone to meet new people and try novel experiences can broaden your perspective, expand your social network, and sharpen your social skills. It is a great way to challenge yourself and improve your social fitness.
4. Work on struggling relationships: It’s important to recognize when a relationship is struggling and take steps to repair it. This involves having open and honest communication and working together to find solutions to issues that have arisen over time. By putting in the effort to repair a relationship, you can show that person they are valued in your life.
5. Give back to the community: Volunteering and giving to others is an excellent way to form relationships and feel connected to the community. Not only does it enhance mental health and happiness, but it also imbues a sense of purpose and meaning in life, ultimately contributing to our social fitness.

Challenges to building strong, quality relationships

Some common challenges include fear of rejection, difficulty in building trust, and lack of social skills. However, by setting goals and tracking progress, these challenges can be overcome, and social fitness can be improved.

For example, if you struggle with building trust, set a goal to participate in activities or events where you can meet new people and form new relationships. As you begin to build new relationships, focus on being honest and transparent, and work to build trust. Over time, you will find that building strong, quality relationships becomes easier and more natural.

The future of social fitness 

In recent years, there has been a growing trend of incorporating social fitness into our daily lives and in our workplaces. As a result, companies are starting to recognize the importance of promoting healthy relationships and social connections among employees, and many are offering programs and resources to help build social fitness.

Additionally, with technology playing an increasingly dominant role in our lives, it will be important to balance our online connections with meaningful face-to-face relationships and to make a conscious effort to maintain and improve our social fitness.

Connection is life-giving

The modern focus on the effects of our relationships on our health have validated what humans have intuitively understood for centuries, we need each other.

Reach out to long-lost friends, seek to rehabilitate struggling relationships, and make new connections.

Over time, you will see measurable improvements to your well-being.

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