18 Warning Signs That You Talk Too Much

“Proud fools talk too much; the words of the wise protect them.” ~ Proverbs 14:3

You know what feels like when it happens to you.

You don’t want to be impolite but you also don’t want to be trapped with the incessant talker.

You half-heartedly signal your desire to end the conversation with a few verbal and nonverbal cues, but they’re not working.

You’re just gonna have to sit tight for awhile.

We’ve all been caught off guard by people who talk too much. It’s easy to identify the problem when we’re under attack. But what about when the tables are turned? Do we notice the times when we overwhelm others with our speech?

One thing that always strikes me about Jesus is how he remained silent during his trials before being crucified. Why didn’t he answer when questioned by the Herod, the Sanhedrin, and Pilate? Why didn’t he try to defend himself during his ordeal?

Throughout the gospels, there’s a sense that Jesus never spoke more than he needed to. He always spoke from a place of practical wisdom and was a master practitioner of the economy of words.

Jesus practiced what the Eastern traditions call skillful means. According to Fr. Richard Rohr, skillful means represented a wisdom that “was not a mere aphorism in the head, but a practical best and effective way to get the job done.”

In his book Breathing Under Water, Rohr writes:

“Jesus was a master of teaching skillful means, especially in his Sermon on the Mount and many of his parables and one liners.”

Mahatma Gandhi, a master of skillful means himself, said:

“My hesitancy in speech, which was once an annoyance, is now a pleasure. Its greatest benefit has been that it has taught me the economy of words. I have naturally formed the habit of restraining my thoughts. And I can now give myself the certificate that a thoughtless word hardly ever escapes my tongue or pen.”

By practicing skillful means, both Jesus and Gandhi understood the power of their words. They understood that words have the power to create or destroy. Most of us talk too much because we have no idea how powerful our words are.

If we did, we would think long and hard before we speak. Some may even be compelled to stop speaking altogether…

The man who didn’t speak for 17 years

In 1971, a young man named John Francis witnessed two oil tankers collide and the environmental disaster that followed.

In response, he decided to give up driving and got around by walking. As people tried to argue with his outrageous decision, he made another decision. In his TED talk, here’s how he described that day:

“And so, on my 27th birthday I decided, because I argued so much and I talk so much, that I was going to stop speaking for just one day — one day — to give it a rest. And so I did. I got up in the morning and I didn’t say a word. And I have to tell you, it was a very moving experience, because for the first time, I began listening — in a long time.”

Before that day, he thought he knew everything. On that day, he realized that he had much to learn. He realized how little he actually listened to other people. So he decided to extend his experiment one more day. After that day, he extended to another day. And another. In fact, one day became 6,205 days. That’s 17 years.

He broke his silence with these well-chosen words:

“Thank you for being here. After 17 years of not speaking, I know the importance of there being someone there to hear what you have to say.”

Another compelling reason to talk less? To truly listen so you can learn from others.

Do you talk too much?

Think you might be talking too much? Think not?

Here are some warning signs for you to consider. They are posed as questions to allow for greater introspection:

1. Do you get more satisfaction from talking about your values rather than living them?
2. Do you talk fast to ensure you don’t get interrupted?
3. Do you frequently interrupt others?
4. When listening to others, are you focused on formulating your response or rebuttal?
5. Do you share what others tell you in confidence?
6. Are you prone to exaggerating or modifying the truth?
7. Do you try to impress others with your speech?
8. Is your speech driven by your concern about what others think of you?
9. Are you unaware of your own body language and what it communicates to the world?
10. Do you rush to defend yourself whenever you feel misunderstood?
11. Do you share the most intimate and private details of your life to anyone who will listen?
12. Do you ask inappropriate questions?
13. Do you babble when trying to comfort someone who is hurting?
14. Do you spread gossip or practice other forms of malicious speech?
15. Do you frequently get into fights on social media or in comment sections of blogs?
16. Do you value your opinions more highly than the opinions of others?
17. Do you try to speak on matters in which you have no knowledge or expertise?
18. Do you frequently find yourself regretting things you said over the course of your day?

Talk less, learn more

In a culture where it feels like those who talk the loudest and fastest get ahead, can we the rediscover the art of skillful means?

Can we learn to be more thoughtful in our speech? Can we learn to reverence silence?
If you want to lead the way, start by examining the above questions.

Challenge yourself to resist every urge to speak, especially when you’re upset or angry.
Learn the art of silence.

You may discover some amazing things about yourself – and others.