The 7 Deadly Sins of Personal Development

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.”
― Khalil Gibran

You’ve committed to the path of personal development. 

You vow to do everything possible to be healthier, wealthier, and kinder. 

You buy programs, join clubs, follow gurus so you can diligently apply their magic and transform your life. 

But no matter how hard you try, you’re beset by emotional and spiritual challenges that together act like a giant force field keeping you from the results you desperately seek.

And because you’re not able to identify or define these forces, you feel powerless to overcome them despite your best efforts and intentions.

The seven deadly sins and contrary virtues

The early Church identified seven deadly sins. These sins acted like primary colors because they were the source of all other sins. Helpfully, the Church also identified contrary virtues that act as antidote to the poison of the deadly sins.

Together they provide framework for understanding and curbing our passions so we can become our best selves.

Here will explore the common pitfalls in our quest for personal growth through the lens of this framework to help us gain clarity about what holds us back.

Here they are in increasing order of severity:

1. Fixation 

Ironically, one of the biggest barriers to the transformation we seek is our fixation on those very transformations. 

We get excited about the big prize at the end of the journey but loathe the journey itself. We want the six-pack abs without the pain of curbing our eating habits and regular physical exercise. We want that promotion but are not too excited about the creativity and effort needed to get the boss’ attention. We want thriving relationships but run away from the difficult conversations necessary for breakthrough.

We bail from the journey as soon as it gets too tough and jump to the next shiny object only to encounter similar obstacles.

Our tendency to fixate is most like the deadly sin of lust, which is marked by untamed desires and driven solely by what’s most pleasurable in the moment. It avoids sacrifice and pain at all costs.

Contrary virtue: Chastity

The virtue of chastity is most often understood as sexual purity, but in a broader sense, it represents a wholehearted commitment to your chosen path, not just the end result. This purity of approach will see you through the good times and bad times.

2. FOMO 

FOMO or Fear of Missing Out is the shadow side of our abundance. The many options and opportunities we have keeps us from committing to one path because of our concern for what we’re losing out on. So we try to take in all the goodness life has to offer all at once.

The result? We’re fragmented, disorganized, overwhelmed, confused, and getting nowhere fast. When we’re steeped in FOMO, we’re engaging in the deadly sin of gluttony. We gorge ourselves on all the opportunities we can get our hands on and become spiritually sick to the stomach.

Contrary virtue: Temperance

Temperance is marked by self-restraint and moderation. It’s the ability to indulge our desires without biting off more than we can chew. It allows us to focus on the few things that are most important and allowing the rest fall by the wayside.

3. Fear

Unlike its cousin FOMO, generalized fear is concerned about losing what we already have rather than worrying about what’s missing.

This sin causes us to hoard and accumulate as much of what we desire as possible, whether it’s money, power, or love. We figure the more we have, the greater our chances of not losing it all. Instead, what happens is we become even more fearful because the more we have, the more we have to lose.

This personal development sin relates most to the traditional deadly sin of greed. Instead of being satisfied with what we have, we grab for more and more, desiring to chase away our fears and insecurities in vain.

Contrary virtue: Charity

Charity is marked by a sense of generosity. By practicing it, we choose to use what we have to benefit people rather than the other way around. And in doing so, we are freed from our attachment to our material possessions.

4. Apathy 

Over the last few decades, our institutions (religious, cultural, political, and educational) have grown weaker and weaker due to our growing cynicism toward them, often not without merit. 

Over time however, this attitude hardens to apathy or indifference. We lose our desire to change our institutions from the inside out, instead choosing disconnection over action and involvement. But by going it alone, we lose our sense of purpose, motivation, and communities of mutual support. 

We find ourselves languishing in the deadly sin of sloth. We become spiritually lazy, abandoning our responsibility to make our world a better place.

Contrary virtue: Diligence

The virtue of diligence is captured well by the words of Gandhi which says, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” It leads us to work tirelessly toward a transcendent end, even in the face of cynicism and doubt.

5. Impatience

We are an impatient society and it shows up in everything we do. We walk and drive aggressively. We’re less courteous. We shovel our food. And we get angry when our expectations are not met instantly or easily.

Anger, the third most severe of the deadly sins, is the source of much of our pain and suffering. Uncontrolled, it can lead us to bad places quickly.

Contrary virtue: Patience

Naturally, the antidote to impatience is patience. But patience requires trust that what we truly need will come to fruition in time, even if we do not get what we want in the short-term.

6. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is rooted in the belief that we are not good enough, especially when we compare ourselves to others. Social media has added fuel to our natural tendency to compare ourselves to our peers. 

We see perfect vacation photos of our friends, families, and strangers. We compare our looks, our social standing, our possessions. And we burn with the sin of envy because we never seem to measure up no matter how hard we try.

Envy is a deadly poison that leads us to shrink rather than grow and leads to jealous hatred of those we perceive as better than us.

Contrary virtue: Kindness

Kindness shows up when we are pleased for the good fortune of others. This openhearted attitude allows us to see their blessing not a threat to us, but as a manifestation of God’s goodness and generosity. When we are kind to others, we learn to be kind to ourselves and our perceived imperfections.

7. Self-sufficiency

Finally, we reach the deadliest personal development sin of all. The great irony is that much of the personal development enterprise is built on the premise that we can solve our problems by ourselves. By practicing “self-help,” we relieve ourselves of the risk of being truly challenged out of our own modes of thinking. We relieve ourselves of the risk of being seen when we’re most vulnerable.

But the heavy price is that we become isolated and lonely, which can have profound negative consequences as we were designed to thrive socially.

Like self-sufficiency, the sin of Pride is the most deadly because it cuts us off from the saving power of grace.

Contrary virtue: Humility

Humility is marked by a deep understanding and respect of our own limitations, and ability to reach out to others for help, even at the risk of appearing weak. A humble person understands that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but is a great source of strength.

Be guided by virtue

Don’t be discouraged if you recognize one or more of these deadly sins as obstacles to the life you seek.

In fact, this clarity is a gift because you can apply the appropriate virtue to help you through.

May these virtues be beacons to guide you through the storms of life and help you become the person you were meant to be.