The Art of Asking: How to Get What You Want

I’ve built more relationships with people by being open about my struggles than I ever could have pretending like I had it all together.

Jarrid Wilson

Have you ever been in a situation where you hesitated to ask for help?

Or maybe you didn’t know how to articulate your needs clearly, resulting in disappointment and frustration.

Or maybe you struggle to even identify your needs because you were taught that asking for what you want was wrong.

The truth is, asking for what you need is vital for your health and well-being. We’ll explore the power of asking and how it can bring you closer to the things you desire.

An important question

During his time on earth, Jesus performed many miracles that involved healing the sick. Interestingly, in many of these encounters, he would ask implicitly a question he explicitly asked Bartimaeus before restoring his sight:

What do you want me to do for you?

Luke 18:41

This is because these powerful miracles required those seeking them to demonstrate their faith by asking for what they need.

Indeed, where there was no faith, no miracles could be performed as seen here:

A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.” He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith.”

Mark 6:4-6

The lesson is clear. You cannot expect to get what you want if you don’t believe you can receive it and are not willing to ask for it.

Overcoming the fear of asking

Despite the advantages of asking, many people find it challenging. Whether it’s due to fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability, or simply not knowing how to articulate your needs, the fear of asking can hinder your progress and limit your potential. Here are some examples of things we’re often afraid to ask for:

1. Clarification on a task or project at work.
2. A raise or promotion.
3. More support from a coworker.
4. Feedback or constructive criticism.
5. Time off or flexible work schedule.
6. Clarity on expectations or boundaries in a friendship.
7. Support during a difficult time.
8. A deeper level of vulnerability in a relationship.
9. Help with a personal problem.
10. A resolution to a conflict or disagreement.

It can be challenging to ask for these things, as we fear rejection or a negative response. However, we can improve our relationships and work environment by asking with confidence and an open mind. Remember, the worst that can happen is a no, and that’s not the end of the world. Instead, the act of asking itself can open doors for growth and positive change.

The advantages of asking

Asking for what you need has numerous benefits.

First, it can improve your relationships, both personal and professional. Second, effectively communicating your needs reflects your respect for yourself and those around you. Third, by asking and inquiring, you can avoid miscommunication and foster stronger, more meaningful relationships with those in your life.

Asking can also boost your confidence and self-esteem. When you ask for what you need and receive a positive response, it enhances your confidence and self-esteem.

Furthermore, when you ask for help, it demonstrates that you are comfortable with your vulnerability and that you’re willing to admit when you need support. This can make you feel more connected to others and strengthen your relationships.

Asking can also result in personal and professional growth. When you ask for what you need, you’re taking control of your life and making your voice heard. This can open doors for new opportunities and help you reach your full potential.

For instance, asking for a deserved promotion or a raise can advance your career and increase your earning potential.

The Art of Asking

Although the benefits of asking are plentiful, it’s crucial to remember that there’s an art to asking effectively. To receive what you need, you need to communicate your needs clearly and confidently, while still being polite and respectful.

Here are some tips for effective asking:

• Be precise and clear about what you need. Clearly state what you’re asking for and why you need it.
• Be confident and assertive. Speak with confidence and express your needs assertively. Remember, you have the right to have your needs met.
• Be polite and respectful. Even if you’re frustrated, it’s important to approach the situation politely and respectfully.
• Ask at the right time. Timing is crucial when it comes to asking for what you need. Consider the context and choose a time when it’s appropriate to ask.
• Be prepared for rejection. While it’s important to ask with confidence, it’s also essential to be prepared for the possibility of rejection. Remember, rejection is not a reflection of your worth, and it’s okay to not always get what you want.
• Be persistent. Don’t give up if you don’t get what you need immediately. Instead, try to understand why your request was denied and determine if there’s anything you can do to address the issue.
• Practice active listening. When asking for something, listening actively to the response is crucial. By doing so, you can understand the other person’s perspective and determine if there’s a way to resolve any conflicts or obstacles that may arise.

Don’t stand in your own way

By overcoming your fear of asking and effectively communicating your needs, you can improve your relationships, increase your confidence, and achieve your goals.

So next time you find yourself in need, don’t be afraid to ask. You never know what doors may open or what blessings may come your way.

Remember, when it comes to asking, the only thing standing between you and what you desire is you.