The Pursuit of Happiness

“If we would just slow down, happiness would catch up to us.” ~ Richard Carlson

Have you ever tried to pursue happiness?

Are you in hot pursuit at this very moment?

Maybe you’re haunted by the idea—and you wonder, with no disrespect to Thomas Jefferson, what in the world does it mean to pursue happiness?

Instinctually, you know that happiness cannot be pursued directly, so you pursue it by way of proxy—people, career, success, power, material things.

You may have collected many of these things in your pursuits, but happiness itself somehow seems to elude your grasp.

No matter how fast you run, happiness seems to run just a little faster. And all the while happiness seems to taunt you with the chant “Catch me if you can!”

Happiness is not an end product, it’s a byproduct

Why does happiness elude us?

Because happiness is not the end product of our activity, it’s a byproduct.

Furthermore, we have very little control over the process itself. The best we can do is to create an environment most conducive to happiness.

For instance, you may experience happiness after a morning run one day, but feel miserable another day. But if you run often enough, you’ll likely be happier overall.

This may seem to counter the idea that you can choose happiness but this is not the case. Yes, we get to choose happiness on the macro level. But making this choice does not mean that we’ll never feel sad on a day to day basis.

If we commit ourselves to creating an environment for happiness, we’ll have more good days than bad, we’ll become more resilient, and we’ll learn to navigate our sorrow with steadfast joy regardless of how “happy” we are in the moment. You are, in that moment, choosing happiness.

Creating an environment for happiness

Here’s the thing about happiness almost nobody tells us:

When you chase after happiness, running and screaming for it to come to you, it will run away.

Think about it. How would you feel if someone came running to you, shouting at you to get your attention? Would you naturally be drawn to them? You’d probably run as fast as you could in the other direction.

In order to “pursue” happiness, we must create an environment that will quietly attract happiness to us. The way we do this is by remembering that happiness is not a trophy we receive for winning a contest, but rather an unpredictable byproduct of our daily living.

How do we maintain this perspective?

1. Focus on the journey

We often associate happiness with the achievement of our goals and desires. We think unconsciously, “When I get that promotion, I’ll be happy.” or “I’ll be happy when I get this person to go on a date with me.” Accomplishing these things may give us a burst of happiness, but it often dies away very quickly.

Why? Because what we’re really after is not the end goal itself, but the process of achieving that goal. The deeper fulfillment comes from who we are becoming in the pursuit of our goal than from the goal itself.

Because who I become is more important than what I achieve. After the happiness associated with what I’ve achieved dissipates, will I be happy with who I’ve become in achieving the goal?

Focussing on the journey—on who you are becoming—allows you to focus on the source of a more lasting happiness.

2. Practice mindfulness

But how do you focus on the journey?

By being mindful.

Mindfulness, by the way, is not synonymous with meditation. Mindfulness means being fully present in the here and now. You don’t need to meditate to become mindful, though it’s it a very useful tool for getting there. To become mindful, just start noticing yourself and your environment. Then become fully present to whatever you’re doing right now.

Next time you’re driving, notice the fact that you are driving rather than focussing on all the things you have to deal with once you arrive at your destination. Notice the fact that you have a car, or that you have a full tank of gas, or your surroundings as you drive.

The more you notice you life as it happens, the more you’ll become engaged in your own journey of becoming. You’ll naturally find moments to be grateful for. And from gratitude, comes a bountiful source of happiness.

3. Surrender control

Paradoxically, if you want to be happy, you’ll need to give up the idea that you can make yourself happy.

Sure you can pretend to be happy and suppress negative emotions, but it will eventually backfire.

Happiness cannot be manipulated or engineered, it can only be welcomed. Even if you carry out the previous two steps flawlessly, there’s no guarantee it will produce happiness within you when you want or need it.

What’s more likely to happen is that happiness will sneak up behind you and surprise you at moments when you’d least expect it to show up.

Surrendering control simply means accepting this delightful reality.

Let happiness catch you

Want to be happy?

Stop chasing after it. Let it chase after you.

Stop focusing on achieving. Start focusing on becoming.

Stop trying to manipulate it. Surrender to it.

If you do, there’s no way you’ll be able to outrun happiness.