5 Steps for Transforming Fear into Love

“Love is the essential existential fact. It is our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.”
~ Marianne Williamson

Fear versus love.

Love versus fear.

There’s a raging battle in the mind and heart of each one of us.

Sometimes you may find yourself going back and forth between these two feeling states multiple times a day. Sometimes love wins but it often feels like fear has the upper hand.

We can get so caught up in our own internal, fear-driven minds that we become blind to the ever present reality of love. The insidious nature of our fear makes it especially dangerous to our souls. Our fears are like constant doses of low-grade anxiety, worry, discontent, greed, and anger. Our fears gnaw at our insides, stealing our joy, dividing us, and isolating us.

What would happen if we could, in every moment, be aware of the reality of love? What would happen to all our fears if they could be exposed to the light of love? What if we could transform our fears into love?

You already have it within you to accomplish this. And it doesn’t take too much extra effort.

Here’s how you can start:

1. Start your day with love

Spend time each morning with yourself in quiet prayer, devotion, or meditation. Let your first interactions with others demonstrate your love for them by making breakfast or coffee, leaving a kind note, or saying “I love you.” This will connect you to the universal reality of love. If we start our days with love, fear has little room to grow and operate. Fear will have to fight hard to derail your day.

2. Listen with love

The fight or flight instinct is strong in all of us. When confronted or attacked, our first instinct is to defend ourselves by fleeing or fighting. But we often deploy these too prematurely. Instead of doing either, stand in the discomfort with loving patience. Fear divides, but love unites.

3. Be vulnerable

Any difficult experience can be an opportunity for love if we can dare to become vulnerable with ourselves and others. Being willing to become vulnerable allows others to relax and respond in kind. Deep sharing can occur – which is fertile ground for love.

4. Practice radical surrender and acceptance

Fear thrives when we’re unwilling to accept our circumstances as they or when we’re uncertain about how things will unfold. If we can be in a position of radical surrender, we learn to let go of uncertainty. We let go of our expectations of how we wanted things or people to turn out. When we do this, we are free to love people for who they truly are, not who we want them to be.

5. Develop your powers of empathy

When you see through the eyes of another, you will grow in your capacity to experience love everywhere and in all people. Let the “other” can become an integral part of you. When you’re tempted to judge or ostracize another person because of fear, remember the deep connection you share with this person. Have the courage to love them as you would love yourself or someone close to you.

Let love set you free

In the poem “Touched by an Angel,” Maya Angelou gets to the heart of what it means to love. She writes:

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.