The Three Pillars of Well-Being

If you want to be happy, be. ~ Leo Tolstoy

How would you define well-being if asked by a random person on the street?

In a recent episode of James Altucher’s podcast, he gave a brief definition of well-being that stopped me in my tracks. For him, well-being has three components: improved relationships, improved competence, and freedom.

I was impressed by the way he was so clearly able to articulate a concept that is often spoken of in nebulous terms. His definition was direct and succinct.

While we tend to use the terms happiness and well-being interchangeably, well-being conveys a broader set of experiences that includes happiness. It seems more long-lasting, deeper, and more stable than happiness which is often experienced as fleeting.

Using Altucher’s framework, I was inspired to contemplate the meaning of well-being in my own life through a series of reflection questions. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Improved relationships

This is the foundational aspect of well-being. Without harmonious relationships, there can be no well-being. Take a moment now to reflect on all your relationships and ask yourself these questions:

Do you have a relationship with God or a transcendent reality as you define it?
Do you relate well with close family and friends?
Do you tend to your own needs?
Are you eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly?
Are you able to empathize with others?
Are you able to strike up conversations with total strangers?
Do you generously give of your time and talents?
Are you willing to be vulnerable with other people?
Do you bounce back easily from emotional hurts?
Do you take full responsibility for the quality of your relationships?
Do you forgive or hold grudges?
Are you trustworthy?

2. Increased competence

We often think of competence in relation to our professional lives. But it also matters greatly in our personal lives. Here are some questions to help you explore competence holistically:

Do you work to improve in your roles as spouse, parent, friend, worker?
Are you able to find meaning in your activities, even the ones you don’t enjoy so much?
Do you have clearly defined goals that you’re pursuing in a disciplined way?
Are you comfortable in your own skin?
Are you confident in yourself and in your capacity to learn and grow?
Are you intentional about the values you live by?
Are you aware of your strengths and weaknesses?
Are you able to manage your emotions under stress?
Are you able to live in the present moment?
Are you committed to learning new skills and hobbies?
Are you open healthy criticism and feedback?
Are you willing to fail?

3. Freedom

Freedom here does not mean doing whatever you want. It means realizing that you always have choices in the ways you think and act. Reflect now on these questions:

Do you frequently use the words “I have to” instead of “I choose to” or “I get to”?
Do you believe that others are responsible for how you feel?
Do you make decisions in order to fit in rather than doing what’s right for you?
Are you willing to let go of beliefs and ways of thinking that have not served you well?
Do you routinely challenge your own thinking? Do you allow others to do so?
Do you experiment with your life?
Are you open to adventure and spontaneity?
Are you willing to laugh at yourself?

How do you define well-being?

On those days I am feeling less than my best self, I’ll come back to this post. It will be useful for me to reflect on the areas of life I need to work on to improve my sense of well-being.

I hope this will inspire you to flesh out the meaning of well-being in a way that works for you. What things need to happen in your life for you to experience well-being?

Write down your list of questions of statements.

You future self will thank you for it.