“Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes.” ~ Oscar Wilde
How do you make sense of your world?
Are you a realist? Optimist? Pessimist? Dreamer?
What views of the world frame the realities you live every day?
I’m guessing you picked one of the options presented to you above, even after recognizing that you may be a composite of some or all of them.
It’s how we’re trained from the time we’re young to see our world. You must choose one or the other. Good or evil. Beautiful or ugly. Rich or poor. We neatly classify our world so we know where everyone stands. We do it to prevent any unwelcome surprises.
As a young Christian, I was taught the difference between good and evil. But I wasn’t taught that good people can, and do, do bad things. So every time I did something “bad,” I immediately concluded that I must be a bad person, destined for the fires of hell. I knew where I stood, even if I had no desire to stand there.
I know better now, but I still get caught up in this kind of thinking. I make snap judgements and assumptions about myself and others based on the parts I can see. There’s not much curiosity about the parts I cannot see.
The safety of certainty
I suspect that most of us know deep down that there’s more to any person or situation than meets the eye. We just choose not to look because it’s safer to be certain. It’s safer to stand on one side or the other. It’s safer to demonize anyone who dare stand on the other side. And if we have no one to demonize, it’s safer to turn this dark force on ourselves.
Why? What are we so afraid of?
I think it has something to do with seeing all the contradictions and paradoxes that define all reality. How is it possible that the person I hate most could have any good within him? How is it that a good person like me could harbor bad thoughts?
What’s at stake here?
The “safety of certainty” has caused hatred and fear to run rampant because the world does not conform to our ideas of how things should be.
Seeing the truth
What if instead of creating realities for our comfort we could just see the truth? Might we learn to love ourselves more? Might we accept people who don’t meet our expectations? Might we experience peace and maybe even a little heaven right here on earth?
I believe this is all possible when we decide to embrace the paradoxes of life. Parker Palmer, surveying his life from the vantage point of a man who has lived long enough to experience many highs and lows, observed:
“Looking back, I’m awed by the way embracing everything, from what I got right to what I got wrong, invites the grace of wholeness.”
He continues:
“I am that to which I gave short shrift and that to which I attended.
I am my descents into darkness and my rising again into the light.
My betrayals and infidelities.
My failures and my successes.
I am my ignorance and insights.
My doubts and my convictions.
My fears and my hopes.”
This is his truth. It’s also my truth. And I believe it’s everyone’s truth. But I know it’s not politically correct to define anyone’s truth, so you must decide for yourself. Do you accept this truth as yours?
A taste of heaven
What do you see when you survey your life so far?
Have you ever known a person who “didn’t deserve” what life was throwing at them?
Have you ever simultaneously loved and hated someone?
Do you have everything, yet feel empty?
Are you surrounded by people but feel like the loneliest person in the world?
Then you already know the truth about paradox. You know that it’s real. You just need to embrace it. Because as Fr. Richard Rohr writes:
“Each one of us must learn to live with paradox, or we cannot live peacefully or happily even a single day of our lives.”
Want to know why? Because hatred and evil can never get a foothold wherever paradox is allowed to thrive. In the world of paradox, self-loathing or shame don’t call the shots.
Because you’ve learned to embrace it all.
And you’re made whole in the process.
Feels like a taste of heaven to me.
Thank you, Cylon.
What an interesting concept. I’ve never phrased such experiences as being paradox – that’s most helpful.
I potter along saying that none of us are perfect and few, if any, are beyond redemption – we are all a mix and we are all learning. Churning and learning perhaps.
I guess awareness and acceptance are the keys.
Thanks for giving me lots to think about and a fresh way to phrase life.
I always look forward to your comments cause there’s so much wisdom packed in them. I can contemplate what you said here for days so I need to thank you as well 🙂
I always look forward to your comments cause there’s so much wisdom packed in them. I can contemplate what you said here for days so I need to thank you as well 🙂
Thank you, Cylon. ♥ Yesterday I was contemplating the paradoxes of my childhood and along comes your article. ♥ You are definitely an instrument! ♥
Yay! I am glad Laurie, thank you 🙂 Just out of curiosity, what did it feel like to contemplate your childhood paradoxes? What triggered your contemplation? I know these may be personal so no pressure to answer…just some of the questions arising within me…
No pressure! I’m working (personally) on dealing and healing inter-generational trauma to help heal (address) issues that will help not only myself, but my children and grandchildren.
It’s difficult, yet gratifying a the same time. Many, many times your writings hit home. I am very grateful for how deeply they can reach me and in turn those I share it with directly or indirectly.
As parents, I feel we want and think we are doing our best for our children, but when there is an unawareness of input from the past—not talking blame—talking awareness.Then living/learning/working from that new point of awareness, soul-awareness. ♥
Thank you Laurie for sharing this. It’s takes a lot of courage to do the inner work you’re doing to live from a place of “soul-awareness.” If more of us do this, the healing that would take place would be nothing short of miraculous! I’m humbled that my posts play some role in helping you work with your own inner teacher.