“Conscience is the light by which we interpret the will of God in our own lives.” ~ Thomas Merton
Are you dogged by a vague sense that you’re not living to your fullest potential?
Do you feel like there are things in your life that may be holding you back from growing spiritually and emotionally?
Do you feel nagging regret for a bad decision you made in the past but cannot seem to find a way to become unstuck?
As a practicing Catholic, I sometimes get asked some variation of this question, “Why do you have to confess your sins to a priest?” It’s then frequently followed up with the question, “Why can’t you just go directly to God?”
The first question is often answered by quoting scripture passages that seem to justify the practice (e.g. James 5:16). My first reaction is not to answer the question directly but to ask a deeper question — “Why are human beings compelled to confess?”
You may not confess your sins to a priest, but you may to a trusted friend, or family member, or a journal, or even a kind stranger. Master criminals routinely get caught simply because they couldn’t keep what they’d done to themselves. Sure, some of them “brag” about what they’ve done, but strip away all the hype and what you’re left with is a confession.
Confession, simply put, is as essential to the spiritual life as breathing is to the body. Life would be rather burdensome if we couldn’t share with another soul out of the depths of ours.
Why not just go to God? Why not both? Why in your better moments do you feel compelled to ask someone you’ve hurt for forgiveness rather than just pray to God alone?
Personal choices are anything but personal
In our world today, we’re fed the principle that each person is fully autonomous. As long my actions have no direct effect on you, what I do with my life is no concern of yours and vice-versa.
We demand this spiritual privacy, not so much because we love privacy, but because we can’t stand the thought that our actions affect others, even when we think they don’t. We’re also very attracted to the idea of being accountable to no one but ourselves for our actions.
I think that’s the hardest part about being a parent. Every single thing you do has significance to your children. Everything you say and do are being observed and absorbed by them. Everything.
They watch you even when you think they aren’t watching. They watch how you solve problems and deal with difficulties. They read your body language and tone of voice. It’s daunting and humbling to be around children, especially when they start reflecting some of your less desirable traits back at you.
I’ve come to believe that this truth extends to every human interaction. Every gesture, every facial expression, every word, leaves an indelible impression on the world, for good or ill.
Please forgive me
I wish it wasn’t this way. I wish all the stupid choices I’ve made would only affect me and no one else. I used to think that this desire was noble because of my wish to harm no one. But I think the greater desire is to not have to look someone in the eye, make an honest and unambiguous confession, and beg for forgiveness.
Wouldn’t you rather be forgiven than hold on to your pride? Wouldn’t you rather be free than held captive by the bonds of unforgiveness?
Too many of us choose to stay in bondage because we’re so afraid of finally letting ourselves be seen. Resist this path of destruction because your well-being isn’t the only thing at stake. The world needs to see you as much as you need to be seen.
Do the hard things
Yea, you can just talk to God.
Or you can talk to God, then grab a priest, a friend, or a journal and make a full confession.
Then, if you’re feeling particularly brave, confess to the one you’ve hurt.
Because hardly anything good comes from taking the easy road.
What is going on! First, I feel tugged to reading, “Confession, A Little Book for the Reluctant Soul,” and now you share this post! I confess, I have NOT been a bad girl! lol Confession… acknowledgment of sin. Well, for me, there’s no option. And, I’m not just talking about acknowledging / owning my guilt with God, through a priest. I’m talking about confession in general. Your question is very interesting… “Why do we feel the need to confess?” It’s my experiences with myself, and with others (at least those who are not completely narciscistic or having some other character defect), that we seem to have no choice but to confess! Why, when someone admires some trait they see in me… do I feel compelled to confess some flaw? Tit for tat? Full disclosure? Could it be because I am too proud? This may seem a bit backward / confusing, but if I was more humble, I’d be able to accept the praise in thanksgiving to God, for only by His grace, mercy, and love, is there any possibility of goodness in me. In needing to contradict someone acknowledging some good in me, maybe it’s because I’m “claiming” the goodness as something of my own doing, and so I must also share that I’m not “all that!” Feel free to scratch your head and say, “huh?” Just know you’re seeing the “curse” of how my mind works! lol You’ve given me food for thought!
Thank you very much for this insightful post, Cylon.
I have no one to confess to really. So, I do confess but in my own head.
If I didn’t, I’d get to believe some of the nonsense I think, say and sometimes do.
None of us are perfect but without acknowledging the inevitable ‘mistakes’ we’d not only never learn, but we’d become monsters.
Thanks very much – to you and yours.
Zara, I couldn’t agree more…I find my own experience supports what you’re saying. And as I look at the sad state of our public discourse, I am struck by how little I hear phrases like, “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry.” I pray that we can all become more humble as we struggle to live up to our highest ideals. Thank you 🙂
Wow. This is really good. Thank you.
You’re welcome 🙂